Title: Not 'The City of...'
Pairing: Spike/Xander, Buffy
Disclaimer: Not mine, never will be. No harm, no foul, no money made.
Notes: In this 'episode' of the baby!vamp!Xander'verse, Spike and Xander are trying to find a demon who has a spell that will stop Willow resouling Xander. Xander's kitten Seven is along for the ride...
When Spike had mentioned London, Xander had thought... Well, he wasn't sure what'd he'd thought, but it wasn't that they'd be driving through the desert at full speed until dawn broke each day. He didn't think they'd end up lost in Texas either, but they did.
Seven didn't exactly help to make the journey bearable. Draped across the dash like some weird ornamental rug, she took vicious swipes at Spike's hands every time he turned the wheel.
By the second day, Xander was starting to think they didn't like each other, but surely he'd have noticed that before now, right?
Xander liked London, Kentucky much better than London, Texas. The town that heralded the birth of Kentucky Fried Chicken™ couldn't be all bad, right? And it was nestled in the heart of Daniel Boone country, a fact Spike didn't seem to find worth mentioning.
Yet again the demon they were looking for was not around. Everyone they asked said variations of "Not this London. Maybe you should try Ohio next?"
And through it all, Seven and Spike continued their strange dance - snarling, scratching, spitting when they thought he didn't see. He wondered what could have set them off like that.
They didn't like this London at all - too many churches. Too many people being 'friendly' and trying to help. They decided the place was a cross between Stepford and the freaky town in the 1956 original version of Invasion Of The Bodysnatchers. Not the 70's remake with Donald Sutherland and Leonard Nimoy, even though they both agreed the effects were better in that.
Seven didn't try to leave the car so often. She used the litter tray behind the driver's seat without complaint. Spike's complaints were hardly worth the breath it took to make them.
And the demon wasn't there.
Ontario... Or Not
"It's Ontario, Spike! Ice, snow, Canadians, French, Eskimos! Five good reasons to not go that far north."
"I know, Xan, but we need to find this demon, get you sorted. Once this spell's in place you'll be safe from the Queen of Souling. Without that we're... Wait. Eskimos? What have you got against them?"
Xander turned to see if Spike was serious. He seemed to be.
"Spike, they live on whale blubber. How gross is that?"
The ringing of his cellphone saved Spike's sanity.
"Hello? ... He's what? ... Where? ... Yeah, we're on our way."
"He's in L.A."
ETA: No offence is meant to anyone of Canadian/French/Eskimo/Inuit or any other descent. This is Xander, people - off-target humour, no foreign language skills, etc etc.