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24 December 2004 @ 06:24 am
Grungefic Part 9 (finally)
Remember: NC-17 for violence, sexual content etc etc etc. Xander's barely 16, as this is Season 1 and completely out of my control, 'k?

Thanks go to tabaqui for agreeing to give this a quick read through 'to make sure it works' before I post. Thanks, babe!

Previous parts can be found here.

This part is dedicated to Shakatany and all the others who wanted to know what was in the bag before Christmas. Sorry it took so long, but I was fighting Dru. Turns out she was right. I was trying to get her to say more and she didn't want to. I should learn to listen.

Now, on with the fic...


They're halfway up the staircase when they hear the screaming start, the eardrum-piercing shriek that cuts the air. They're barely on the landing, Xander towed along by Spike, before the agonising cry becomes a moan and then is gone. A laugh, as cold as crystal, and as sharp, rings out in glee. Spike flinches at the sound and turns his back.

"You wait here in my room, Pet. Take a shower, take a nap." He opens up the door and looks inside. "Your bag's there on the bed but don't be opening it without me here to see. A little wait won't hurt you none and I insist. I have to see to Dru, she's sounding bored and that's not good, but promise me you'll stay behind this door. A minion gets a hold of you, you're vamp food, understood? I need to know you're in here, safe and sound."

A wide-eyed nervous nod greets his demands, and moments later Xander's safely in the room, the door shut tight. The holdall on the bed sends out a siren call he's helpless to resist. He has to touch this solid, oh-so-very-real reminder of the swiftly fraying fabric of his life.

Standing just outside the door, Spike hears him cross the room. He listens for a sound that never comes. The boy is on the bed, the springs squeak gently, then are still, but he doesn't pull the zipper, not one click. Spike lets out a sigh and turns to face the task at hand. His dark princess will want to play a game...


There's a body, disembowelled, beside the bed that cradles Dru. She lies, festooned in coils of small intestine, serpentine and slightly steaming in the coolness of the room. She claps her hands.

"Your kitten drew first blood today, I bet he tasted sweet. He must be even sweeter than the cherries in the pie."

Spike nods and tries to find an unstained patch of hand-stitched quilt, but gives up when his princess starts to pout. He sinks into the pillows by her head and lets her snuggle close. Her fingers, drenched in gore, caress his cheek.

"Nobody likes the games I play, 'cept you, my darlin' Spike. Play with me a little before the kitten calls you back? He's very nearly yours but never ours; must taste you, blood and bone. You have to pluck the other from his heart and take his place. He'll bleed for you when she tries to steal him back."


Once the screaming starts anew Xander quickly moves into the shower, hoping water in his ears will drown the cries Drusilla makes as she begs for more. He lathers up and scrubs from head to toe and then again, convinced the alley's dirt is somehow trapped beneath his skin. His bruises and abrasions throb a strident plea for mercy but he doesn't stop until the water is threatening to run cold.

Then he dries off slowly, soft towels coarse against his shiny pink new skin. Each darkening purple bloom a rich new note in the symphony of quiet discomfort that plays out its mournful hymn inside his head.

It almost, but not quite, blocks out the squeals of pain and ecstasy that leave him feeling nauseous and weak. His bag, still sitting squarely on the bed, makes whispered promises to chase away the pain, the thoughts, the shrill discordant cries that keep him twisted up as tightly as a spring. And he gives in.


Xander doesn't notice when Spike steps inside and shuts the door. He's curled up on the bed around his bag, loud music blaring through the tiny little speakers in his ears. The first he knows is when Spike grabs the wires and pulls them free, the unexpected silence screaming louder then than Dru had ever done. He swallows, hard.

The yellow-eyed, ridged demon in his face is dressed in nothing but a pair of undone jeans and smears of blood, not all his own. The alabaster flesh is scored with livid, raised striations, the claw marks of a she-cat spawned in hell. Here and there are sharper, cleaner slices through the skin and deeper, oozing out a drop or two of blood - she'd used a knife. And over and around these marks are scattered perforations, ragged, part-sealed eyelets made by vicious fangs.

Strong fingers, pressing hard on half-formed bruises on his jaw, remind him once again of who's in charge.

"I gave you just one order, Pet, I thought you understood. I told you not to touch, and yet you did; you'll have to pay for that. Any final words before we start?"

Xander takes a breath and tries to organise his thoughts, but linear progression won't be had. Instead, what tumbles out are fractured phrases, mixed with memories, and Spike is gifted with another clue about his pet.

"The screams. So loud, so... Hate it. Hate it always. Wouldn't stop... It never stops. He just keeps on and..." Xander swallows hard once more and tries again.

"I didn't really open it, you know, not how you meant it. The player's in the pocket on the end. The zip was open, just a bit, and I pulled the headphones free. I poked around until I hit on 'play'."

Golden eyes flick down between their knees to where the bag lies waiting, follow slender wires to their source and then return.

"Clever little puppy, aren't you? Never break the rules? I'll have to keep the sharpest eye on you."

Spike takes a small step back and really looks at what he's chosen for his own, all shining eyes and hot pink skin, and earnest honesty that makes the demon want to sink his fangs in deep and suck out every drop. He really hopes that Dru's not raving when she says they need to keep this boy alive, and sweet, and firmly on their side, because he knows temptation is the only thing he's never learned to fight. But he will try.

"I need a shower but I don't think I trust you on your own. You come and keep me company while I wash." And locking fingers round a skinny wrist, Spike hauls them both onto their feet and leads the way into the bathroom where the air's still warm and damp.

"If you've used up all the hot I'll have you lick me clean from head to foot, and don't think I won't use the scented stuff, because I will."

As Xander pales, Spike twists the hot tap on and moans as scalding water starts to fall onto his aching skin.

"Put the loo seat down, luv. Take a pew, I won't be long."

He grins as he's obeyed without a pause, and starts to bathe, his every move designed to catch the eye. His pretty pet is staring, watching every soapy, slow caress, his mouth half open, panting in the steam. A tongue peeks out and slides along dry lips and Spike's hand drops down to his crotch and starts to lather up in haste. He wants to feel that warm, abrasive pad against his cock; he needs to feel those lips around his shaft. His hand moves faster, tighter, and he spies his pretty's blush and the thought of all that blood near gets him off.

Frustration rears its ugly head and Spike turns down the heat. He shivers as cold water hits his flesh. In moments he is rinsed and out and holding up a towel.

"C'mon, Pet. Dry me off before I freeze."

Xander takes the towel and without thought begins to dry, his mind still focussed on the sight he'd seen. A hand, a cock, mass of soapy bubbles and a face that's drawn in ecstasy and creased with self-denial... because of him?

The thought that he's the cause, to blame, is worthy of that look is quite enough to keep him totally distracted as he dries. He only halts when fingers snatch the towel away and lock around his wrist to lead him back towards the bed.

They settle on the mattress with the bag sitting between them, both clad in nothing but a towel apiece.

"Let's see just what you think is so important, shall we Pet? You got the Crown Jewels stashed inside your socks?"

Not waiting for an answer, Spike grabs hold and yanks the zip, delighting in the flinch the harsh noise brings. Without a pause he's folding back the flap and digging in, socks and tee shirts tossed out of the way. And then he slows, a look of disbelief upon his face. One hand lifts up a stake and holds it out.

"Is this what's so important, luv? This worth the fuss you made?" But no, his pet's still focussed on the bag.

One flex of bicep, triceps, bone and cartilage and what was once a stake is now a scattering of splinters. Spike reaches in again and grabs a battered tin designed to hold tobacco, though he doubts from pretty's face that what's inside is quite as innocent as that.

"Brought your stash along, eh, Pet? That's thoughtful, that is; hope you'll let me share."

Ignoring shaking hands that try to wrest the tin away, Spike uses black, chipped nails to pry the lid. He hardly even registers the monotonic 'nonononono' as the lid resists his attempts to ease it free.

And then it pops.

A tiny cloud of dust and ash flies up and tumbles back down to the quilt, and then he realises that what had been inside the tin was what his pet had made the focus of his sorry life.

The boy is scrabbling, trying to catch each flake, each dusty smear, and all Spike hears is 'Jesse. Jesse. Oh Gods, Jesse, no. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry...'


BTW, anyone have any ideas for a real name, or should I stick with Grungefic?

ETA: Just realised the last four paragraphs were in the wrong tense, so a little minor editing has been done. I could kick Grunge!muse for making me do this in present tense. I'm just not wired that way. *g*

And it looks like the title 'Grungefic' stays, though I will work on a summary to post with each chapter so that the story is easily recognised. *smooch*
feeling: creativecreative
Ame: WTF? by buffysolaceamejisuto on December 24th, 2004 06:45 am (UTC)

That was intense. Poor, poor Xander. Spike's really going to have to work hard to put his pet back together again.
darkhavensdarkhavens on December 24th, 2004 06:53 am (UTC)
Thank you!

'Intense' was exactly the word tabaqui used when I shanghaied her into reading. (Sneak attack on YIM. *g*)

At first it was just going to be the stake that Xander dusted Jesse with, but then I thought for a moment and... Jesse-in-a-tin was born. *g*

Yes, Spike will have to work at putting Xander together, but now he knows more about what broke him in the first place, he has a better chance of fixing it. They'll talk some in the next chapter and Xander will tell Spike what happened, touching on Darla and her demise.

I finally have this fic set in canon - up until a couple of days ago I wasn't sure where it was actually coming from, but now I have two chapters with a dividing line between them. BG:AG (Before Grunge : After Grunge). Which means I know why Xander finally ran away!
who said what now? - amejisuto on December 24th, 2004 01:20 pm (UTC) (Expand)
who said what now? - darkhavens on December 25th, 2004 01:13 am (UTC) (Expand)
Kristintxrabbit on December 24th, 2004 06:59 am (UTC)
This was just wonderful. Wow.

I love the name. Even if it has nothing to do wit the story. Love Grungefic.
darkhavensdarkhavens on December 24th, 2004 07:06 am (UTC)
Thank you! :o)

You love the name? Yay! Me too, but I did't know if anyone else would. It started out as a little piece, just Xander going to a grungy club to hear his music played live, and the title fit. Then it mutated and grew and I started to be unsure.

Fankoo! *smooch*
cleeazcleeaz on December 24th, 2004 06:59 am (UTC)
Poor Xander, all he wants is his friend Jesse - glad he saved the ashes. Grrr - bad Spike, you need to listen to your pet. Cindy Lee
darkhavensdarkhavens on December 24th, 2004 07:07 am (UTC)
Ah, yes, but Jesse's gone, and Spike is there. Xander needs to accept and move on, and Spike is just the vampire to help him, now he knows what the major problem is.


kitanekitane on December 24th, 2004 07:41 am (UTC)
Well you did keep your promise to open the bag before Christmas, I just didn't expect to see Jesse in there! Worth the seven month wait.
darkhavensdarkhavens on December 24th, 2004 07:52 am (UTC)
Hee! I know, the update time on this fic is terrible. I'd make a New Year's Resolution to update more often, but those usually die the death mid April, and I'd hate to give people false hope. *g* (But don't worry, I know the ending, and I couldn't not share, now could I?)

So, what did you think was in the bag?
who said what now? - kitane on December 24th, 2004 08:14 am (UTC) (Expand)
who said what now? - darkhavens on December 24th, 2004 08:28 am (UTC) (Expand)
Nashnashmaveric on December 24th, 2004 09:01 am (UTC)
That was...wow...intense is not the word. Poor Xan. ::wipes eyes::
Nashnashmaveric on December 24th, 2004 09:03 am (UTC)
And oh yeah, I like Grungefic. Don't change it! ::grin::
who said what now? - darkhavens on December 24th, 2004 09:26 am (UTC) (Expand)
who said what now? - darkhavens on December 24th, 2004 09:24 am (UTC) (Expand)
who said what now? - nashmaveric on December 24th, 2004 03:40 pm (UTC) (Expand)
who said what now? - darkhavens on December 25th, 2004 01:14 am (UTC) (Expand)
Sam: Mine!moimoietmoi on December 24th, 2004 09:45 am (UTC)
Keep the name "Grungefic"! It really goes well with the story!
And wow! This chapter was very intense and emotionally charged for Xander!
Heartbreaking even!
darkhavensdarkhavens on December 25th, 2004 01:17 am (UTC)
Thanks! Heartbreaking' eh? Poor Xander. *g*
witch_werewitch_were on December 24th, 2004 10:06 am (UTC)
Shh...I was lurking cause I never know what to tell the fantastic author(s). I am breathless with anticipation, I want to see how Spike reacts to the ashes. I love this fic and I think the name suits it. And as for the bag honestly I thought Xander would have implements of self mutilation (yeah way too many h/c fics lately.) So for me Jesse's ashes was a delightful surprise. Happy holidays!
darkhavensdarkhavens on December 25th, 2004 01:49 am (UTC)
And as for the bag honestly I thought Xander would have implements of self mutilation (yeah way too many h/c fics lately.)

Aw. No, not self mutilation. But definitely a form of self-torture.

And I made you step out of lurk-dom! Yay! *g*

So for me Jesse's ashes was a delightful surprise.

Now there's a reaction I didn't expect to see. LOL!

Happy Holidays, sweetie. Thanks for commenting. :o)
your royal pie-nessentrenous88 on December 24th, 2004 12:16 pm (UTC)
Eek, creepy and sad with the ashes. Poor Xander.

I think you've gotten three votes for grungefic already, but can I offer dissent and say I'd like another title? Grunge in my mind is associated with a certain music movement, a certain fashion sense, and every time I see the title for this, I remember that I like it, but I don't remember quite what it's about until I skim around in it a bit. Part of that confusion is, for me, in the title -- I see "Grunge", and think, right, grunge, but not that type of grunge, and what's going on here again that makes it grunge or not grunge or grunge-istic? A more distinctive title for this story might add another link to keep the fic strong as an association in people's minds.
darkhavensdarkhavens on December 25th, 2004 01:57 am (UTC)
Creepy and sad indeed. Thanks!

The original idea was just to have the stake but then I watched the ep over and over again and realised that if there was an empty cigarette packet or something similar on the floor, there was probably enough time for Xander to scoop up some of Jesse and stick it in his pocket, and once I'd had the thought it wouldn't go away. *g*

And sorry, but the name stays. If the overwhelming majority reaction hadn't swayed me, then kitty_poker1 (points down the page a bit) would have done, with her: Anyway, changing titles in mid-stream is unlucky or something, isn't it? *g*

I'm just too suggestible. I may not believe it's unlucky, but what if I'm wrong and it is? I can't do it.

But I will try and come up with a recognisable summary/synopsis to post at the beginning of each chapter so that people stand a better chance of recognising the fic when it appears.
who said what now? - entrenous88 on December 25th, 2004 02:41 am (UTC) (Expand)
who said what now? - darkhavens on December 25th, 2004 05:14 am (UTC) (Expand)
maddiepronaea on December 24th, 2004 12:22 pm (UTC)
Aw, Spike! Put Jesse back in the tin. Poor Xan. I love this fic.
darkhavensdarkhavens on December 25th, 2004 02:01 am (UTC)
I love this fic.

Loves on you for loving my fic. *g*

sufie58sufie58 on December 24th, 2004 12:50 pm (UTC)
Love the name. Love the fic. Looking forward to reading the next bit. Thank you..
darkhavensdarkhavens on December 25th, 2004 02:02 am (UTC)
Thank you too, sweetie. I love that you love it. *g*
halfway between possum trot and monkeys eyebrowely_jan on December 24th, 2004 01:57 pm (UTC)
So glad to see this again - went and reread the earlier parts! I love it - can't wait to see how Spike fixes the damage he (for once)unwittingly caused!
darkhavensdarkhavens on December 25th, 2004 02:05 am (UTC)
Hee! Yes, this time Spike is pretty much not guilty of malice aforethought. He managed to break Xander by accident!

Thanks. :o)
Nebula: wishlistauthoressnebula on December 24th, 2004 02:16 pm (UTC)
Grungefic works very well. And *sob* poor Xander...*sniffles* Help make him better, Spike.

That was fantastic hun. Just gorgeous. I squealed when I saw it updated on my flist. ^_^

Merry Christmas Eve!

darkhavensdarkhavens on December 25th, 2004 02:06 am (UTC)
I made you squeal? Yay me! *g*

Merry christmas, sweetie. I glad you enjoyed it. And yes, Spike will do his best to make Xander better, in his own twisted, demonic way. ;o)
willshenilshe on December 24th, 2004 03:11 pm (UTC)
I very much agree - this was intense. Visceral, no puns intended. The descriptions of wounds both physical and mental is vivid and harsh, so much that you can almost feel them.

And the end.... oh, that almost broke my heart.

Wonderful early Christmas present to find this! :-)
darkhavensdarkhavens on December 25th, 2004 02:10 am (UTC)
Thank you! Visceral, viscera, it's all good. ;o)

The description of Spike as he entered the room came to me at work a couple of days ago and I had to run into the back office and scribble it down to make sure I kept the right words. And there's just something about a bruised Xander that stays with you...

Merry Christmas!
tabaquitabaqui on December 24th, 2004 05:18 pm (UTC)
Just as good the second time around.
And i think 'Grungefic' is just dandy.
darkhavensdarkhavens on December 25th, 2004 02:12 am (UTC)
Thankee, baybee! *g*

I did just have to do a minor edit, though. I went back a few minutes ago and read it through again (this time sober *g*) and realised the last 4 paragraphs were in the past tense and it's a present tense fic. o.o All fixed now though. :o)

And the name stays, though I need a summary/synopsis/expalanatory para to post at the beginning to make sure everyone knows what they're reading. For some reason I never think to put headers on this story. :o/
who said what now? - tabaqui on December 25th, 2004 03:31 am (UTC) (Expand)
who said what now? - darkhavens on December 25th, 2004 05:22 am (UTC) (Expand)
who said what now? - tabaqui on December 25th, 2004 05:24 am (UTC) (Expand)
who said what now? - darkhavens on December 25th, 2004 05:33 am (UTC) (Expand)
who said what now? - tabaqui on December 25th, 2004 05:46 am (UTC) (Expand)
Lyssaindiana_jane_ on December 24th, 2004 05:19 pm (UTC)
Oh god, you just broke my heart.

Poor Xander. Jesse's dust. Spike needs to make it better. *sniffles*

So glad you posted!
darkhavensdarkhavens on December 25th, 2004 02:13 am (UTC)
::crazyglues your heart back together:: ;o)

Spike will make it better... kinda. He is a demon, after all. *g*