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darkhavens
14 December 2004 @ 09:59 pm
Four drabbles for open_on_sunday's challenge #90, Liquids.
Author: darkhavens
Pairing: Spike/Xander
Rating: PG-13
Email: darkhavens@slashverse.com
Disclaimer: Not mine, never will be. No harm, no foul, no money made.
Warnings/Squicks: The prompt was liquids, and it's been filtered through my mind, so be prepared...



Nature's Nectar

"Just one sip. Go on... It won't kill you, Xander. It's not going to do anything to you. It's all natural stuff, no additives or chemicals, just pure nature in a mug."

Xander pulled a face as the mug was wafted under his nose.

"No, Spike, I'm not drinking it. Not a swallow, not a sip, not at all. Just the smell of it makes my stomach turn. And the colour? Ew! I don't care what you say, drinking that stuff isn't natural. I'm not going to do it and you can't make me."

"It's only tea, you great pillock."





Not All Demons Get Dusted

"I can't believe it just liquefied! Was it supposed to do that? Was there anything in any of Giles' books that said it would do that, because I'm pretty sure he never mentioned anything about it going from ten foot tall, eight foot wide snot green demon to ten foot tall, eight foot wide, snot green tidal wave of goo."

Xander turned to take his first look at Spike, and nearly choked on his tongue. Snot green goo coated the horrified vampire from head to toe.

"Thank you for protecting me, Spike. You're my hero. Spike? Spike! No, don't! Eeeeew!"





Emergency Supplies

"You know, Spike, there's a lot to be said for carrying emergency condoms."

Spike turned a stunned expression on his human lover.

"What are you on about, pet? Card-carrying member of the undead here, remember? No chance of spreading disease, or making anyone pregnant, though I'm sure you'd look very bonny in dungarees..."

Straightening up and turning, Xander slowly eased his boxers and cargo pants back into place and fumblingly tucked himself in.

"I know. But if we carried condoms, I wouldn't have to squelch all the way home whenever you get the irresistible urge to jump me in public."





Daily Cuppa

"You're so good to me, Spike. You know just what I need after a crappy day going over contracts. Thanks!"

Xander snatched up the mug and downed half the contents in three large gulps. The fourth went slower, giving him a chance to actually savour the perfectly sweetened coffee his lover always greeted him with at the end of a long day at work. Except it wasn't perfectly sweetened, and it certainly wasn't coffee. Horrified eyes locked onto Spike's as the kettle began to sing.

"You're a bit earlier than I expected, love. I was just having a quick snack..."

 
 
feeling: amusedamused
 
I am Derek's vocal eyebrows: ak; orgasmic [me]literati on December 14th, 2004 10:10 pm (UTC)
The prompt was liquids, and it's been filtered through my mind, so be prepared...

you know.. I really wish you'd given me this warning.. still I laughed so I'm not that traumatised ;)

My fave is Nature's Nectar.. pillock... hee!
darkhavensdarkhavens on December 14th, 2004 10:20 pm (UTC)
Ah, but you already know what to expect. You spend plenty of time in my mind anyways. ;o) Thanks, sweetie! *smooch*
Goes "Ding" When There's Stuff: Santa Baby by Truly Tazisuki_blue on December 14th, 2004 10:14 pm (UTC)
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You are the greatest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Um, I seem to have an exclamation addiction. (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
darkhavensdarkhavens on December 14th, 2004 10:37 pm (UTC)
Hee!
::collects up the extraneous exclamation marks and distributes them randomly::
Thanks!
My mind was blank all through Sunday and Monday. I couldn't come up with a thing. And then suddenly, today, it's liquids of all types! *g*
Sammoimoietmoi on December 14th, 2004 10:26 pm (UTC)
emergency condoms? squelch???
Bwahahahahaha!!!!
darkhavensdarkhavens on December 14th, 2004 10:39 pm (UTC)
That was the last one to get written. I did the other three and knew there was something missing, and then suddenly thought 'SQUELCH!'.

Glad I made you Bwahaha!
who said what now? - moimoietmoi on December 14th, 2004 10:52 pm (UTC) (Expand)
who said what now? - darkhavens on December 14th, 2004 10:59 pm (UTC) (Expand)
who said what now? - moimoietmoi on December 14th, 2004 11:08 pm (UTC) (Expand)
who said what now? - darkhavens on December 14th, 2004 11:13 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Spike's Heart: devils halospikes_heart on December 14th, 2004 10:38 pm (UTC)
Love the last one. Serves Mr. Grabby Hands right. **giggles**
darkhavensdarkhavens on December 14th, 2004 10:46 pm (UTC)
But he was thirsty! *g*

Thanks. :o)
Sorry about your guitarcityphonelines on December 14th, 2004 10:42 pm (UTC)
Snot green goo hugs and squelching? Love it!
though I'm sure you'd look very bonny in dungarees..."
*pictures it*
*gets a bit scared*
*dissolves into giggles*
darkhavensdarkhavens on December 14th, 2004 10:48 pm (UTC)
Hee! A perfect reaction. Yay!

And I'm sure a pregnant Xander would look very bonny in dungarees. Denim, of course. :P Thanks!
VF: Xander Ordinary (mys1985)vampirefever on December 14th, 2004 11:17 pm (UTC)
Loved them as usual.
No. 3 was so vivid it seemed to come with actual sound effects. Poor Xander I can hear him now - lol!
:-)
darkhavensdarkhavens on December 14th, 2004 11:23 pm (UTC)
LOL! LJ, now with added Squelch-i-vision! Ta!
Muriellemurielle on December 14th, 2004 11:41 pm (UTC)
They all made me laugh long and loud, but the first and last made me laugh longer and louder. :-))

Good drabbles! ::pats the good drabbles::
darkhavensdarkhavens on December 14th, 2004 11:52 pm (UTC)
Thank you! The first and last were the original inspirations, and the other two came later. :o)
willshenilshe on December 14th, 2004 11:42 pm (UTC)
Grinning from ear to ear here, and that's quite the accomplishment on your behalf. I love a good chuckle (but I have to ask, have you been infected with eatenbyweasels?) Bravo!
darkhavensdarkhavens on December 14th, 2004 11:54 pm (UTC)
Yay! ::feels all accomplished::

And no, I don't believe I've been infected. But it could be one of those silent but deadly infections, where you never know until it's much much too late... *g*

::bows::
Nebula: xanderauthoressnebula on December 15th, 2004 01:18 am (UTC)
ROFLMAO!!

I can't decide which one I like better. The thing about tea (I agree, tea just can't beat cocoa), snot green goo *cackles*, the 'squelch' *grins*, or that last one. *giggles* That last line made me laugh so damn hard...and I'm still laughing.

Thank you so much for the laughs sweetie!

~Nebula
darkhavensdarkhavens on December 15th, 2004 01:31 am (UTC)
Glad I could make you laugh. I was snickering as I wrote them. *g*
tabaquitabaqui on December 15th, 2004 01:23 am (UTC)
Heeeee!!!
Fun, fun, fun.
:)
*bounce*
I like them all, but three and four were particularly amusing.
*hug*
darkhavensdarkhavens on December 15th, 2004 01:37 am (UTC)
Thanks! The squelchy one was the last one to pop into my head and I snickered as I wrote it. :o)
funkparadise on December 15th, 2004 01:41 am (UTC)
LMAO

The snot demon and the last one!

Gawd, I love you.

darkhavensdarkhavens on December 15th, 2004 01:50 am (UTC)
Aw, thank you! *smooch*
Ame: I've got your back by Saifaiamejisuto on December 15th, 2004 01:57 am (UTC)
You are wonderful and evol all at once!!

Xander didn't even taste the first three gulps, did he? **giggles**
darkhavensdarkhavens on December 15th, 2004 02:02 am (UTC)
You are wonderful and evol all at once!!

I am indeed. *g* Thankee!

And nope, he just chugged it down and then realised... Hee!
PL: PL_jitterbug by spuzzponders_life on December 15th, 2004 03:37 am (UTC)
Love your sense of humor, DH!
darkhavensdarkhavens on December 15th, 2004 03:46 am (UTC)
Thank you! *g*

I got it from my mother. She's even worse than I am, though I do seem to be growing into it. ;o)
read_a_lot on December 15th, 2004 08:00 am (UTC)
*rofl* that was fun-tastic (fantastic), I read it first in the morning and it is great to start the day laughing hard about a funny Story.
darkhavensdarkhavens on December 15th, 2004 11:51 pm (UTC)
Thanks! :o) I love making people laugh
your royal pie-ness: xander dirt fetish (crackers4jenn)entrenous88 on December 15th, 2004 09:49 am (UTC)
Eeee! Squelch! Now I'm never going to be able to read an alley-sex scene without going "squelch squelch squelch!"

And yet the one that really icked me out was #4. Ewwwww, poor Xander drinking blood.

unless of course it's Spike's blood from the source, because then I have a kink about that.
darkhavensdarkhavens on December 15th, 2004 11:54 pm (UTC)
Now I'm never going to be able to read an alley-sex scene without going "squelch squelch squelch!"

Hee! Now I'm not alone in my insanity. :P

unless of course it's Spike's blood from the source, because then I have a kink about that.

Oh gods, me too! *g*