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29 May 2009 @ 07:30 am
Fic: "Just a Sweet Transvestite", Eureka: Jack/Nathan
Author: darkhavens
Title: Just a Sweet Transvestite
Fandom: Pairing: Eureka: Jack/Nathan
Rating: R for mental imagery and assumed kinkiness
Words: 1421
Concrit: Please. If you spot a typo or a grammar glitch, feel free to tell me in comments.
Disclaimer: Not mine, never will be. No harm, no foul, no money made.
Warnings/Squicks: Cross-dressing, incorrect assumption of foot-fetishism
Summary: Jack finds something disturbing in the back of his closet. Nathan shares what's in his drawers.
Notes: Written for beautybecks's comment_fic prompt of: Eureka, Nathan Stark, Sweet transvestite, from transexual, Transylvania. I want to see Ed Quinn play Frankenfurter, although I may die from the hot!.
Thanks also to outsideth3box for giving it a quick once-over.

Just a Sweet Transvestite

They'd been living together for three months when Jack found the box tucked away, way in the back of the closet, behind Stark's riding boots and his hiking boots and his running shoes and cross-trainers and a pair of ratty moccasins that looked as though they'd been chewed up and spit out by a very large dog – at least twice.

It was a very unassuming box. One corner was slightly crumpled and the panel at the front looked like someone had torn a label off it in several jagged pieces. It was plain and off-white and totally unremarkable. Jack's suspicions were well and truly aroused.

He lifted the lid, nudged a double layer of light grey tissue paper aside, and then just stared, for a small eternity.


He didn't have a clue how to raise the subject. Tact was something other people always told him he should look into developing more of, but he'd never quite figured out how, or why. Most of the time it just got in the way, but right now he'd be grateful for anything that stopped him feeling quite so awkward and unsure. And it didn't help that Nathan had taken one step into the bunker and figured out he had something troublesome going on in his head. He'd watched and waited all through dinner without pressing Jack to spit it out, but the angle and elevation of his eyebrows said Jack's time was almost up. Jack took a deep breath and jumped in with both feet.

"Uh… I was looking for something earlier and I found your, um… Well, I thought at first maybe they were Alison's - they're sure as hell not Zoë's - but… They're waaaaaay too big for her, and totally not her style, so…"

Jack could tell Nathan was waiting for him to say something else, but his tongue felt about three sizes too big for his head and he'd just about exhausted what little supply of tact and diplomacy he'd managed to scrape together. He stared pitifully at Nathan, willing him to figure it out without Jack having to actually explain.

As Jack watched, Nathan's expression morphed from puzzled endearment to embarrassed realisation, and he slumped back into his chair in relief, quickly swallowing a snort of laughter at the way the tips of Nathan's ears abruptly turned pink.

"You went through my drawers?"

Wait. What? Jack sat back up and leaned forward, mouth open, one accusatory finger half extended in Nathan's direction, but Nathan wasn't finished.

"I already told you I didn't take your lucky football jersey; I don't know where it is. Maybe a stray moth got in and ate the damn thing as a mid-morning snack; it certainly wouldn't have got a decent meal out of it. I've worn safety goggles that are less transparent. Anyway, it's not what you think."

The temptation was there to let Nathan distract him from the problem at hand – that jersey had sentimental value, dammit, he'd bought and worn it at the Superbowl in '85 and screamed himself hoarse when the Chicago Bears won – but Jack was sure Nathan was telling the truth, about the jersey and about… that other thing. The relief was immense.

"Thank god for that; I'm really not into feet."

Nathan stared at him, obviously bewildered.

"What do feet have to do with a…?" he started to ask, talking over Jack's agitated, "Wait. Drawers? What the hell else have you…?"

"…basque and panties."

It felt to Jack as though all the air had been sucked out of the room, and he had to resist the momentary urge to ask S.A.R.A.H. if B.R.A.D was back in control. And then Nathan's conversation-killer started playing over and over on a loop inside his head – basque and panties, basque and panties, basque and panties - and at that point he wouldn't have noticed it starting to snow indoors, he was so completely focussed on, and distracted by, the thought of Nathan in a basque and panties, along with the three inch heeled, size ten stilettos that had triggered this whole trainwreck of a tête-à-tête.

Nathan seemed to realise Jack's brain was temporarily overloaded, and quickly took control.

"S.A.R.A.H., I'd like a beer for Jack, please, and a large single malt for myself; alcohol can't possibly make this evening any worse."

Nathan had to lift Jack's hand from where it was resting limply on the table before he could slap the perfectly chilled bottle into place, but instinct had Jack's fingers curling tight around the neck as soon as contact was made, leaving Nathan free to sit back down in his seat and take a slow, steadying sip of smoky oak-matured Scotch.

"So, what exactly did you find while you were going through my things?"

Jack blinked several times, rapidly, and then took a long pull from his beer.



Jack whined. "Stilettos. I found size ten stilettos." He lifted the bottle back up to his mouth and drained it. "Stockings? Really? Did Alison…? I mean, was she…?"

Only by biting his lip did Nathan stop himself from laughing at the glazed look on Jack's face. He hadn't even thought about what Jack might think if he stumbled across any of his old stage gear. It was just there. Nathan couldn't resist the urge to lead Jack on just a little bit more.

"Of course Ali knew. It's hardly the kind of thing a man could hide from his wife for very long. She was really into it."

The lie stung, just a little. Oh, she'd gone along with it on the one occasion he'd managed to convince her to join him, but she'd never really let go and enjoyed herself. He wondered if Jack would, once he knew the truth.

Time to find out.

"While I was at university, I got involved with a charity that raises funds by putting on theatrical performances. My girlfriend convinced me to audition for their new show, and three months later I was standing in front of a room full of strangers wearing a basque and panties, stockings, stilettos, black lipstick and a string of oversized pearls."

Nathan's description of his outfit had Jack trying to suck more beer from his empty bottle, but the chagrined eyeroll of belated realisation that Nathan had expected to see never appeared, and he was forced to come to the stunning conclusion that he must be living with a 'virgin'.

"I played Dr Frankenfurter. In The Rocky Horror Show. The Time Warp? Brad and Janet? Rocky? Does none of this mean anything to you?"

Jack's unbroken blank stare was his only reply, and in desperation, Nathan began to sing, hopelessly out of practice and most probably out of tune. His twisted sense of humor had him picking the most appropriate inappropriate lyrics he could come up with – anything to snap Jack out of his dazed stupor.

"I'm just a sweet transvestite, from transexual Transylvania."

And, amazingly enough, it worked. Jack's lips formed a perfect O of comprehension for maybe a second and a half, and then he asked S.A.R.A.H. for another beer, which very quickly went the way of the first. As he stood to fetch the brew, Nathan noticed that little Jack wasn't entirely unaffected by the evening's events. Good to know.

"So, you're telling me you-" Jack's hands waved about expressively while his face crumpled up in new and interesting ways, "-in front of all those people, and you enjoyed it so much you… what? Kept the costume all this time?"

Smirking, Nathan made Jack wait while he finished his Scotch before he replied, "Oh, no. I was as thin as a rail back then. I've only had these about eight, no, nine years." He paused while Jack's eyes grew wider and wider, until Nathan was afraid he was going to strain something. "It was a huge success; it pulled in more money than any other two shows combined, so we decided to make it a regular thing. Every four years, to be precise. I was going to hand the pearls on to the younger generation the next time round, but you could probably persuade me to change my mind, if you really wanted to."

Slightly glassy-eyed, Jack stood and tugged Nathan to his feet, the fingers of one hand locked tightly around Nathan's left wrist.

"Maybe you should try it all on, see if it still fits; practice walking in those shoes before you make any final decisions, yeah? Black lipstick, you said? Um… wow."

outsideth3box: Eureka Uh-ohoutsideth3box on May 29th, 2009 06:52 am (UTC)
*brain explodes*

So, so pretty, that picture. Love Jack's panic, and Nathan's realization that Jack is an RHPS virgin.

And now I get to imagine Nathan showing off the outfit for Jack and then Jack just losing it and grabbing him and, well, much ravishment ensues, yis.

Lovely! Hot!
darkhavens: eureka! [literati]darkhavens on June 8th, 2009 03:25 am (UTC)
Ravishment most certainly ensues! Thankee. :D
lyonzalyonza on May 29th, 2009 09:07 am (UTC)

Loved it totally. And RHPS is one of my fave shows. There's a local production of it over here in July. Must go watch it again :)
darkhavens: eureka! [literati]darkhavens on June 8th, 2009 03:26 am (UTC)
Ooh, fun! I haven't seen a live show in over twenty years. Wow. Now I feel old. *g*

Kevin Jonesmulder200 on May 29th, 2009 11:59 am (UTC)
LOL! I love how Jack goes from being freaked out to being turned on. Nice!
darkhavens: eureka! [literati]darkhavens on June 8th, 2009 03:27 am (UTC)
Thanks! Jack might be a 'virgin', but he's always up for a little experimentation. *g*
tabaquitabaqui on May 29th, 2009 01:13 pm (UTC)
Oh, silly boys.
darkhavens: eureka! [literati]darkhavens on June 8th, 2009 03:27 am (UTC)
Always! They're the best kind. :D

Thanks! *twirls you*
ivy_warlord08ivy_warlord08 on May 29th, 2009 04:10 pm (UTC)
...I really shouldn't have found that so hot. Because I can't imagine Nathan Stark in fishnet stockings. But now a picture of Dr. Frankfurter is trying to overlap with a picture of Nathan Stark in my head and-and-

*brains shorts*

*reboots* *five minutes later*

I really like the awkwardness Jack was in, very well played along with the misunderstanding. Nathan being snarky and smug, as usual = ^_^

And piling it on near the end when Nathan tells Jack that he's been doing this for years = brilliance.

darkhavens: eureka! [literati]darkhavens on June 8th, 2009 03:29 am (UTC)
Thank you!

My brain shorted out when I read the prompt. It took me over 8 hours to reboot sufficient portions of my brain to be able to start writing. *g*
~Alice~vinniebatman on May 29th, 2009 04:39 pm (UTC)

I love Jack/Nathan.

Even though the hotness could cause a black hole. But then again, Nathan could fix it.

Anyways, yay hotness!


darkhavens: eureka! [literati]darkhavens on June 8th, 2009 03:31 am (UTC)
The hotness could indeed cause a black hole. but what a way to go. :D

etherealflaimetherealflaim on May 29th, 2009 10:54 pm (UTC)
Rocky Horror! Yay!

Jack definitely would not have ever been to a show... and of *course* Nathan would have been in one.

*shakes head trying not to grin* Typical...
darkhavens: eureka! [literati]darkhavens on June 8th, 2009 03:32 am (UTC)

Jack is such an innocent in so many ways, which just makes it so much more fun for Nathan. :D
sea-sky: [eureka] oh nathanvixys on May 30th, 2009 02:23 pm (UTC)

Just spent six hours in the back of a car with two teenage boys, and this just made my day. And Jack being all "...wtf?" is just win.

This was awesome. :D
darkhavens: eureka! [literati]darkhavens on June 8th, 2009 03:32 am (UTC)
LOL! Thank you!

(six hours with two teenage boys, and no escape? How are you still sane?!)
the product of a crazed mindbeautybecks on May 30th, 2009 02:58 pm (UTC)
Lol! I love you so much for writing my prompt! That was awesome! You so need to do a sequel where Nathan persuades Jack to be Rocky. Lol! I love this fic, it is lol and Guh, the best combination. Of course Jack would be a RHPS virgin, but not for long! hehehe, thanks again. XD
darkhavens: eureka! [literati]darkhavens on June 8th, 2009 03:39 am (UTC)
Ha! Before I actually got to writing this, outsideth3box and I worked out a Eureka cast for the show, and Jack was indeed in tiny tiny gold lamé shorts, all oiled up and ready for debauchment. The rest of the cast looked something like this:

Columbia = Jo
Riff Raff = Taggart
Eddie = Vincent
Magenta = Alison
Janet = Zoe
Brad = Fargo
Dr Scott = Henry
Narrator = Zane

I would pay to see that show! :D

who said what now? - beautybecks on June 8th, 2009 12:31 pm (UTC) (Expand)
who said what now? - darkhavens on June 8th, 2009 08:44 pm (UTC) (Expand)
syndromiasyndromia on May 31st, 2009 01:26 pm (UTC)
ohh man! I love this. I wish Nathan would join my cast! Seriously, Nathan would be really hot as Frank, and like someone else said, Jack should be Rocky.
darkhavens: eureka! [literati]darkhavens on June 8th, 2009 03:41 am (UTC)
Thanks! :D

Jack in tiny gold short shorts and a lot of body oil would be amazing!
I am Derek's vocal eyebrows: eu; shiny [me]literati on June 1st, 2009 01:05 am (UTC)
LOL! Oh, they are so lovely and dorks and wonderful! ♥

So, more please? *g*
darkhavens: eureka! [literati]darkhavens on June 8th, 2009 03:41 am (UTC)
Thank you, baybee!

You know ther'll always be more. ;)
Queen of Spades: chocolatemonkiainen on June 1st, 2009 03:40 am (UTC)
What a great start to a dull Monday morning :D Figures that Jack is a RHPS virgin - but not for long... Now I'm having this incredibly hot image of Nathan as Dr. Frankenfurter...
darkhavens: eureka! [literati]darkhavens on June 8th, 2009 03:42 am (UTC)

It was that incredibly hot image that shorted my brain out for 8 hours when I first read the prompt. *g*
neosildrake: simple mathneosildrake on June 1st, 2009 12:23 pm (UTC)
*beep-beep*blibb*frizzle* warning! brain-shortage imminent!
Wouldn't it be funny, if Nathan could convince Jack to also take on a role? Either Brad or Rocky.^^ Now I see the Eureka-staff posing as RHPS-charas in my mind... have to top this or I ... *pfrzzzzzzzz...* too late.
darkhavens: eureka! [literati]darkhavens on June 8th, 2009 03:43 am (UTC)
Ha! Before I actually wrote this, a friend and I did indeed do that very same thing: Eureka residents as RHPS characters. :D

Nashnashmaveric on May 16th, 2011 05:39 pm (UTC)
Oh God, I can just picture Jack's face! His face! And Nathan going from embarrassed to his regular smirky self... ::grin::
darkhavens: eureka! [literati]darkhavens on May 16th, 2011 06:04 pm (UTC)
Imagining Jack's face was what got me writing this. It was a hilarious image. :D