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27 May 2009 @ 12:09 am
Fic: Lo-Jacked, Spike/Xander, G, part of the Protected !verse
Author: darkhavens
Title: Lo-Jacked
Fandom: Pairing: Buffy: Spike/Xander
Rating: G
Words: 752
Concrit: Please. If you spot a typo or a grammar glitch, feel free to tell me in comments.
Disclaimer: Not mine, never will be. No harm, no foul, no money made.
Summary: Xander gets lost. A lot. A solution, of sorts, is found.
Notes: Written for spring_with_xan, this ficlet exists as part of the established relationship Protected!verse (see post tags for previous ficlets), in which Spike and Xander decided they wanted eternity without risking Xander's soul and self by turning him into a vampire. Instead, they have bought, procured and earned various spells and markings that Xander now wears, protecting him from a variety of dangers and possibilities. Can be read as a standalone.


Xander's never really had a sense of direction. He's a SoCal boy after all, brought up surrounded by street signs and tourist maps and fast food outlet locator flyers.

He's never had to navigate by the stars or by reading the moss on the trunks of trees. He's never used the shadow of a stick to divine true north; he wouldn't know how.

It's not until he's wandering the streets of Seoul, bewildered and bedazzled and totally lost, that he realises just how vulnerable he is when he steps out of his known world.

It only takes one phone call to Spike to get him back on track, and he's back in their hotel suite soon enough, digging out their wish list to scribble a reminder at the bottom.

"What's put a bee in your bonnet now, love? You're not thinking of trying to find some kind of Babelfish Stargate translator spell, are you? I can't imagine they'd work on street signs even if you found one, always assuming we could afford to get it done."

"Nope," Xander replies, "but it's worth thinking about." He quickly scribbles 'Babelfish/Stargate transl.' underneath his previous note and tosses the list onto the pillow beside him as he sprawls back on the bed.

"So what was your latest bright idea?" Spike asks, crossing the room to pick up the crumpled list when Xander doesn't immediately answer. "'Stop me getting lost'? That's a pretty tall order. Got any thoughts on how we could make that work?"

Xander shrugs. "Some kind of inner GPS maybe? I could probably memorise a star chart, but what's the point with all the light pollution out there? If I can't see them, they're not going to be any help."

"I'm not sure I'd trust your memory to keep all those little twinkles straight anyway, Xan." Spike easily avoids the half-hearted swat Xander aims at his hip, and continues thinking aloud. "Getting you set so you can find true north without props might be easiest, but that doesn't help if you don't know which way to go, and you're completely bloody useless without a map."

Spike lets Xander wrestle him down to the bed, putting up just enough resistance to make it interesting, mumbling his final words into Xander's neck before they both get too distracted.

"We can email Kular and Willow with the idea later. One of them should be able to come up with something useful."


The scars seem to take forever to heal, and Xander curses the bandages that keep his usually agile fingers stiff and clumsy, inflexible; his sense of touch muffled and less than useless. He can't even masturbate or pee alone. And the ones on his feet are a hundred times more troublesome.

When Spike finally decides it's time to remove the medicated padding and wraps, they both watch intently as Xander washes off the blue-black ointment that has spent the last five days seeping into his skin. When it's gone, his hands and feet are very faintly stained, as they'd been warned, and it makes the scarification stand out, silvery and embossed, as readable as Braille.

There are fourteen tiny constellations seared into each hand: one on the pad of each finger and thumb and on every joint below. There are twenty-one on each foot: one on the pad of each toe and then five more on the ball of each foot, pinpointing the metatarsal-phalangeal joints. Two lines of five more follow the outer edge of each foot and the inner curves of his arches, with a final constellation low on the back of each heel. Those two had hurt the most.

In total, he now wears seventy different patterns of stars, collected from – and in – thirteen different dimensions. They don't stop him getting lost and they can't tell him where he is. He'll know if he ends up in the wrong dimension, but not which one he's in, and they can't open a handy inter-dimensional portal to get him home.

What they can do is nudge him in the right direction. No matter how lost he gets, he need only focus on his chosen target – Spike, of course - and the insistent tingles in his fingers and toes will lead the way.


A few days after the big reveal, Xander snaps his fingers and announces, with unfettered glee, "Hey! I just realised, I'm the one with the scars, but you're the one who's been magically lo-jacked. That's kinda cool."

Spike's expression is priceless.

yanagi_wayanagi_wa on May 27th, 2009 12:09 am (UTC)
Well, I guess that told him! *snicker* A lo-jacked Spike is just priceless. Thanks.
darkhavens: sx a love eternal [literati]darkhavens on May 27th, 2009 05:00 am (UTC)
Thank you! :D
I am Derek's vocal eyebrows: sx; lying liar [me]literati on May 27th, 2009 12:11 am (UTC)
Hee! Love this verse and this addition to it! The tiny constellations sound awesome! :D

darkhavens: sx a love eternal [literati]darkhavens on May 27th, 2009 04:59 am (UTC)
Thankee, darlin'! I started out with a mcompletely different 'modification' in mind, but this is what happened. The gills will just have to wait. ;)
Kevin Jonesmulder200 on May 27th, 2009 12:24 am (UTC)
LOL! I just love how Xander's POV.
darkhavens: sx guilt much? [literati]darkhavens on May 27th, 2009 04:58 am (UTC)
Thanks! :D
saifai on May 27th, 2009 12:52 am (UTC)
*giggles* OMG this is adorable. It's the last paragraph that does it for me. LOL Gotta love it.
darkhavens: sx guilt much? [literati]darkhavens on May 27th, 2009 04:58 am (UTC)
Thank you! Lojacking Spike - who wouldn't laugh? *g*
thedabara_cds: Spike-Bloody good fic luv!thedabara_cds on May 27th, 2009 01:48 am (UTC)
Brilliant idea! The ending made me laugh out loud!
darkhavens: sx purple flare [literati]darkhavens on May 27th, 2009 04:33 am (UTC)
Thank you! Imagining the look on Spike's face had me giggling too as I wrote it. *g*
Lit Gallit_gal on May 27th, 2009 02:20 am (UTC)
That is just lovely... and indeed, Spike has been lojacked! The closing line is just perfect.
darkhavens: sx guilt much? [literati]darkhavens on May 27th, 2009 04:33 am (UTC)
Thank you! :D
outsideth3box: BtVS Vamp Spike and Xanderoutsideth3box on May 27th, 2009 03:12 am (UTC)
Babelfish Stargate translator spell

Three fandoms in four words. That's pretty impressive, my dear!

I love this verse and I was so happy to see a new piece of it. And the ending was, indeed, priceless.

(I need to read some more Spander, I've been missing them lately.)
darkhavens: sx kink [literati]darkhavens on May 27th, 2009 04:30 am (UTC)
Three fandoms in four words. That's pretty impressive, my dear!

*bows* Thankee!

I started out this evening with the intention of giving Xander gills. *blinks* That's gonna have to wait, but it's not forgotten. :D
tabaqui: s&xlettersbykatekat1010tabaqui on May 27th, 2009 03:50 am (UTC)
But also....a bit of a shudder. Burning into the feet and hands!
darkhavens: sx a love eternal [literati]darkhavens on May 27th, 2009 04:28 am (UTC)

These boys are playing the long game. A bit of pain and inconvenience for a short while is a small price to pay for hopefully centuries of time together. :D
reddwarf75reddwarf75 on May 27th, 2009 04:18 am (UTC)
Love this 'verse *bounce bounce* Eh, just one question? My english fails me at the last sentence, what does lo-jacked mean here???
darkhavens: sx headtilt& [literati]darkhavens on May 27th, 2009 04:26 am (UTC)
Thank you! :D

LoJack is a vehicle security system. A small, silent radio transceiver is hidden in the vehicle so that if it gets stolen, the owner can conact the LoJack company and get the transceiver turned on. Once a LoJack unit is activated, every police car within a 2-3 mile radius and equipped with a tracking unit will automatically be alerted that the vehicle is near.

What it means in my context is that, no matter where Spike goes, Xander will always be able to find him. *g*
who said what now? - reddwarf75 on May 27th, 2009 06:48 am (UTC) (Expand)
keyairreemkeyairreem on May 27th, 2009 07:02 am (UTC)
darkhavens: sx headtilt& [literati]darkhavens on June 8th, 2009 03:44 am (UTC)
He just didn;t think it through. ;)

kitty_poker1: Silver Spander by literatikitty_poker1 on May 27th, 2009 09:00 am (UTC)
Babelfish Stargate translator spell

LOL! The boys will always find a way to be together, and a bit of discomfort is more than worth it for Xan. Even gills would be. *g*
darkhavens: sx headtilt& [literati]darkhavens on June 8th, 2009 03:46 am (UTC)
The gills will come out one day, of that I'm quite sure. And if I can figure out a way, so will the Babelfish Stargate translator spell. If only for the hilarity of Xander suddenly knowing what all of Spike's demon contacts are really saying about him. *g*

Thanks! *smooch*
(Deleted comment)
darkhavens: sx a love eternal [literati]darkhavens on June 8th, 2009 03:46 am (UTC)
Thanks! :D
miriam heddy: subtext of the heartmiriam_heddy on May 28th, 2009 01:49 am (UTC)
Punchline Spander FTW!

As someone who can get lost anywhere, and with no built-in sense of direction, I empathize with poor Xander.

And man, I'd adore getting jacked into Spike!
darkhavens: sx just one taste [literati]darkhavens on June 8th, 2009 03:47 am (UTC)

Getting jacked into Spike is every fangirl's dream. *g*

The punchline came to me as I was preparing to post. It felt unfinished and then BAM! Xanderiffic punchline. :D
laazikaatlaazikaat on May 28th, 2009 11:48 am (UTC)
I love this verse. And geez, I'd love to be lo-jacked to Spike, yeah.
darkhavens: sx purple flare [literati]darkhavens on June 8th, 2009 03:48 am (UTC)
Thanks! (Tis every fangirl's dream. ;) )
~Alice~vinniebatman on May 29th, 2009 04:09 pm (UTC)

*claps with giddy joy*

I like that! And I love this story line!

darkhavens: sx guilt much? [literati]darkhavens on June 8th, 2009 03:48 am (UTC)
Thank you! :D