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26 April 2006 @ 02:31 am
Alien Jelly Made Them Do It, 5/5, Rodney/John
Author: darkhavens
Title: Alien Jelly Made Them Do It, 5/5
Pairing: Rodney McKay/John Sheppard
Fandom: Stargate: Atlantis
Rating: NC-17 overall
Words: 507 (approx 1800 words in total)
Feedback/Concrit: darkhavens @ slashverse.com
Disclaimer: Not mine, never will be. No harm, no foul, no money made.
Summary: Alien Jelly Made Them Do It
Notes: Written for stagesoflove 2006, Round 2, 'Five Stages of Sexual Arousal' stage #5 - Resolution.
Also posted here.
Stage #1 - Desire, stage #2 - Excitement, stage #3 - Plateau of Arousal, stage #4 - Orgasm.

You can either start at the beginning with Stage #1 - Desire (all stages are internally linked), or you can read stage #5 - Resolution under the cut.

Rodney came awake with a jolt of unexpected agony as someone tried to rip every hair from his chest and groin - simultaneously. Once he'd blinked the world back into some kind of focus, he realised Sheppard - the Colonel - John, dammit - had apparently settled on retreat as the reaction of choice when he'd woken up naked and glued to his best friend-team mate-Head of Science.

Rodney glared at him.


John jerked and looked sheepish, even as he tried once again to ease himself away from Rodney's tremendously sticky body.


In self-defence, Rodney lifted up his arms and tugged John closer, holding him firmly in place to stop him trying that again.

"You couldn't have - oh, I don't know - shaken me awake? You had to try and rip my hairs out by the root? I should probably be glad you stayed below the neck."

John rolled his eyes.

"I was trying for discreet, Rodney, you know the word? I don't have a clue what time it is, or where Teyla and Ronon got to after we wondered off last night. They could walk through that door at any moment. I thought maybe lying here stuck to you with Jell-O and come might be just a little bit too obvious for them to miss."

Of its own volition, Rodney's cock twitched, tugging painfully on skin and hair. They both winced.

"Yes, well, I… Wait. What? This isn't Jell-O. Are you insane? Jell-O is sugar and chemical additives and rendered animal waste by-products. This-" He dragged a finger through the multicoloured gloop on his chest and held it up for inspection. "This is not Jell-O. This is, at the very least, jelly, possibly even a rather close relative of jam. Definitely not Jell-O."

When John just stared at him, one eyebrow cocked, his mouth tilted in a way that Rodney thought looked too amusedly indulgent, he scowled.

"Yes, yes, I know, now is probably not the time to be discussing this, but honestly, John, Jell-O? There's real fruit in this stuff! And have you ever tasted…?"

John shrugged off Rodney's restraining arms like they were made of string and pushed up from the bed in one smooth move. They both yelped and clutched at corresponding parts.

"Okay, possibly I didn't know that was going to hurt that much."

Rodney rolled his eyes and tried to sneak a peek below his waist, checking to see if he was bald now.

"Women do this kind of thing voluntarily?"


"I know, I know! Now is not the time. Do you think maybe they have showers here?"

Odd pieces of Rodney's uniform rained down as John sorted out the mixed heap on the floor.

"Get dressed, Rodney. I promise we can talk about Jell-O and Brazilian waxes when we get home."

Rodney tugged his shirt over his head and eased it gently past the stickily tender areas on his chest.

"We'll… We'll talk about this too though, right?"

John grinned wickedly.

"We'll do more than talk."

Lalkhamsin-khamsolalpiratepurple on April 26th, 2006 01:54 am (UTC)
Hee! too cute!
darkhavensdarkhavens on May 17th, 2006 06:47 pm (UTC)
Thanks! :D
dragontattdragontatt on April 26th, 2006 01:56 am (UTC)
Yes, I do worship you!!
So funny, and painful-sounding all at once. That takes some talent.

darkhavensdarkhavens on May 17th, 2006 06:49 pm (UTC)
Thank you!

Humour and pain work so well together I always end up adding at least a touch of one when I'm writing the other. :D
(Deleted comment)
darkhavensdarkhavens on May 17th, 2006 08:53 pm (UTC)
Thanks! I believe John was being cliched on purpose, just to see Rodney roll his eyes. :D

I have no idea why John knows so much about women's grooming habits, but he does. *ponders that*
S: Don't Stop!demonspork on April 26th, 2006 02:11 am (UTC)
Yay! I love this story! Cute and hot! And did I mention hot? The ending is perfect.

Rodney trying to explain to John the difference between Jell-o and jelly was too funny!
darkhavensdarkhavens on May 17th, 2006 08:54 pm (UTC)

Would you believe I had to research the Jell-o/jelly/jam thing? I'm a Brit, so I had to tap friends in the USA and Canada to make sure I didn't mess it up. *g*
tabaquitabaqui on April 26th, 2006 02:24 am (UTC)
Yis, more!

Perfect ending, bay-bee.
darkhavensdarkhavens on May 17th, 2006 08:56 pm (UTC)
Hee! Thanks!

I picked up John/Rodney and Five Rooms for the next round, so you never know, it might be a continuation of this. *g*
Night Springnightspring on April 26th, 2006 02:38 am (UTC)
"Women do this kind of thing voluntarily?"

*dies laughing*
darkhavensdarkhavens on May 17th, 2006 08:58 pm (UTC)
Hee! Thanks!

Personally, I'm with Rodney - waxing is barbaric. Now, waxplay on the other hand is... well, not. :D
Alex: David LBTmcalex22 on April 26th, 2006 04:07 am (UTC)
This is really funny! I love all their snarking and the comments about it not really be jello.

Great ending to the story :D
darkhavensdarkhavens on May 17th, 2006 08:59 pm (UTC)

Rodney would never dream of having sex with Jell-O, he has standards! :D
ferret_kitty: eccentricferret_kitty on April 26th, 2006 04:25 am (UTC)
YAY!! That was awesome!
darkhavensdarkhavens on May 17th, 2006 09:00 pm (UTC)
Thank you! :D
(Deleted comment)
darkhavensdarkhavens on May 17th, 2006 09:01 pm (UTC)

It's a cheesy line, but I think John would use it just to see Rodney's reaction. He does love teasing his scientist. :D
The Wandering Loonylooking4tarzan on April 26th, 2006 09:54 am (UTC)

That Jelly is just so darn useful
darkhavensdarkhavens on May 17th, 2006 09:02 pm (UTC)
And tasty too! I bet they took samples back, for scientific analysis, of course. *g*

melaganmelagan on April 26th, 2006 05:07 pm (UTC)
Excellent ending. This has been fun to read from start to finish.
darkhavensdarkhavens on May 17th, 2006 09:02 pm (UTC)
Thank you! It was fun to write. :D
What, does he wanna date me or kill me?: We screwed?krysalys on April 26th, 2006 08:21 pm (UTC)
*iz ded from teh GUH*
*drools copiously*
*scrambles to right herself and be coherent*
Yeah... still UNGH-GUH.
*imagines John and Rodney tumbling into the shower together, fully clothed since the jelly's so damned sticky, and then doing all the yummy yummy stuff wth proper lube*
*runs for a cold shower*
darkhavensdarkhavens on May 17th, 2006 09:03 pm (UTC)
Re: Ungh
Hee! Thanks! That's been on my mind too. I may have to write more in this 'verse. ;)
adafrog: Buffy-emotionaltherapyevilguysadafrog on April 26th, 2006 10:19 pm (UTC)
awwwwwww! I loved that one.
darkhavensdarkhavens on May 17th, 2006 09:04 pm (UTC)
Thanks! They're so much fun to write. I love their snark. :D
Beckybeeej on April 26th, 2006 11:54 pm (UTC)
John grinned wickedly.

"We'll do more than talk."

Ooooh, he's so cute when he does that. *g*
Great fic! *saves to favorites*
darkhavensdarkhavens on May 17th, 2006 09:05 pm (UTC)
Thank you! And saved too? *blushes*
it only burns when I breathe: mcshep_touch_chellespikedluv on April 27th, 2006 10:23 pm (UTC)
"Okay, possibly I didn't know that was going to hurt that much."

Hee! Loved! Especially Rodney getting distracted by jelly and wondering about women and waxing. *g*
darkhavensdarkhavens on May 17th, 2006 09:10 pm (UTC)
Hee! Thanks!

Honestly, men have no idea what some women go through to look good. But not me - I like my wax applied for different reasons. ;)