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01 October 2005 @ 08:44 pm
'Crime and Punishment, The Movie', three for slashthedrabble challenge #45
Author: darkhavens
Title: Crime and Punishment, The Movie
Pairing/Character: Spike/Xander, Dru, of Buffy
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Not mine, never will be. No harm, no foul, no money made.
AN1: The continuing past and future adventures of baby!vamp!Xander.
AN2: The not-quite movie title titles of each drabble just happened, okay? Honest.

A Sideways Proposal

Xander rolled off his lunch and rifled the body's pockets, crowing in delight when he found a wallet and a key. Then he bounced back onto his heels and turned to Spike.

"He was wicked, Sire. A bad, bad man. He tricked little old ladies out of the contents of their jewelry boxes. He hid them in a lockbox in the attic behind the water tank. He honestly thought we were here to rob him!"

"Nice trick, luv. Is there anything worth keeping?"

"Blood-red rubies for Dru and a bag of gentleman's wedding rings."


"A couple are almost identical..."

Smoking Kitten, Shredded Fags

"Xander? Where the bloody hell are my fags? If you've smoked them all I'll gut you!"

Cushions went flying as Spike strip-searched the couch.

"I haven't touched them, Spike. We haven't had sex today - well, not yet. You know I only smoke when I'm shagged out. Last time I saw them they were on your bedside table…"

Pounding footfalls on the stairs made Xander shake his head.

"You thieving little git! I'll ring your scrawny neck! Xander! Get your kitten-loving arse up here right now!"

Xander took the stairs three at a time, then froze inside the bedroom.

"Bad Seven!"

The Dead Witch Project

"You tried stealing Spike's Kitten away to keep him for your own. You wanted to lock him up in a tiny cage made out of bars that bite. Nipping at his heart, at his sanity, his demon - bars made out of ugly, burning soul. You'd make him howl with grief. That's cruelty, that is. Never saw the like, not since the gypsies danced. You tried to make him hurt for being him, and his, and mine and ours. You tried to make him wish himself away. Dirty deed. You should be punished, little red doll. No tea for you today."

tabaquitabaqui on October 1st, 2005 08:05 pm (UTC)
Oh, how i love Dru!
*pets her carefully*

And Seven!
darkhavens: dru [literati]darkhavens on October 5th, 2005 01:29 am (UTC)

Dru needs careful petting. She can be quite vicious if you ruffle her fur. *g*

And Seven just wont behave. She's nearly as bad as Dru! *g*
reremousereremouse on October 1st, 2005 08:07 pm (UTC)
hee! go, Seven! The second is the best.

And Xander rolling off his lunch!
darkhavens: sx a love eternal [literati]darkhavens on October 5th, 2005 01:30 am (UTC)

Seven is eeeeeeeeeeevol, much more so than our boys. ;)

And Xander had a vision, and that always gives him vertigo, so he fell over on top of his lunch. ;)
Ame: Daddy's Dru by suki_blueamejisuto on October 1st, 2005 08:15 pm (UTC)
Lovely! Dru is just so much fun!!
darkhavens: dru [literati]darkhavens on October 5th, 2005 01:31 am (UTC)

I love the icon! :D
sweet_exile: Jack & Dannysweet_exile on October 1st, 2005 08:29 pm (UTC)
That kitten is very bad. I love Seven glad to see her back. The second is my favourite.
darkhavens: Seven [fanbot]darkhavens on October 5th, 2005 01:33 am (UTC)
Thanks! Seven is very popular, even though she's such a badly behaved kitty. I just don't understand it. ;)
Goes "Ding" When There's Stuff: Fuckable by literatisuki_blue on October 1st, 2005 08:37 pm (UTC)
Love them!!!

Wedding rings! Hee!
darkhavens: sx a love eternal [literati]darkhavens on October 5th, 2005 01:33 am (UTC)

Xander's such a romantic at heart and he knows Spike can't deny him anything. *g*
Nephir Nuitnephir on October 1st, 2005 08:54 pm (UTC)
I bow to the greatness that is this series

*squees madly*

*worships quietly at your feet* "please...more?"
darkhavens: sx a love eternal [literati]darkhavens on October 5th, 2005 01:34 am (UTC)
Thank you! And more will appear... and more... and more.... I think I'm addicted to writing them! *g*
Dittostretfordditto on October 1st, 2005 09:25 pm (UTC)

All are wonderful. :) Lol at Seven.
darkhavens: Seven [fanbot]darkhavens on October 5th, 2005 01:35 am (UTC)
Thanks! Seven is so naughty, I don;t know what to do with her. ;)
saifai on October 1st, 2005 11:06 pm (UTC)
Hee. These never get old I tell ya'. Loved the casual way the first one began with Xander rolling off his lunch. *snerk*

The second one is cute. The subtle hint there with the matching mens rings. *gr*

The last one makes me wanna *grr*. Poor Xander is lucky to have Dru to take care of the mean 'ol witch for him. *nods*
darkhavens: sx a love eternal [literati]darkhavens on October 5th, 2005 01:37 am (UTC)

Dru is bugfuck insane with her visions, but Xander just has vertigo, so when he sees stuff he tends to fall over. This time he landed on his 'lunch'. *g*

And he's such a romantic. ;)
halfway between possum trot and monkeys eyebrow: Dru Living Dead Girlely_jan on October 1st, 2005 11:53 pm (UTC)
*worships slavishly* Adore your Dru! Perfect voice!

*hides Seven and smuggles away to safety*
darkhavens: Seven [fanbot]darkhavens on October 5th, 2005 01:37 am (UTC)
Thank you! :D

Seven can take care of herself, believe me. Spike would never really kill her because it would upset Xander. ;)
werewindlewerewindle on October 2nd, 2005 12:15 am (UTC)
All my favorite things Spike and Xander (of course!), Wicked! Dru and Seven! ^__^
darkhavens: Seven [fanbot]darkhavens on October 5th, 2005 01:38 am (UTC)
Thanks! :D
belleimani on October 2nd, 2005 12:49 am (UTC)
Dru rocks!
darkhavens: dru [literati]darkhavens on October 5th, 2005 01:38 am (UTC)
Thanks! She does, and she's such fun to play with. :D
who said what now? - belleimani on October 5th, 2005 03:23 pm (UTC) (Expand)
I am Derek's vocal eyebrows: dm; snark [me]literati on October 2nd, 2005 01:06 am (UTC)
"A couple are almost identical..."

Subtle, Xan. Real subtle. ;)

I ♥ the last one too.
darkhavensdarkhavens on October 5th, 2005 01:39 am (UTC)
Hee! he's never done the subtle thing very well, but he is a romantic when he's allowed to be. :D

Fankoo, darlin'!
REMITYGIRL: 'PURRING' SPIKE by FALLEN_EMBERremitygirl on October 2nd, 2005 02:03 am (UTC)
Love that Xander thinks of 'Blood-red Rubies' for Dru.... and that she is 'taking care of her boys' in that special Dru way. LOL. And look, an almost matching pair of 'gentleman's wedding rings' Nicely done, Xan!!

I loved every word of the 2nd one. I could copy the whole thing here... but NAH! I'll just keep re-reading it and laughing out loud. *Um, wonder why everyone is staring at me?* *giggles again*
darkhavens: Seven [fanbot]darkhavens on October 5th, 2005 01:41 am (UTC)
Thanks! Xander is a sweetie and so romantic. Seven is evil and more than a match for Spike. And Dru is... Dru. Delightful to play with and dangerous to know. *g*
(Deleted comment)
darkhavens: Seven [fanbot]darkhavens on October 5th, 2005 01:42 am (UTC)
Hee! Thanks!

Seven is such a baaaaaaaaad kitty, but Xander luffs her so Spike just plots and schemes and never quite manages to get rid of her. *g*
and i will play my game beneath the spin lightcheckpointme on October 2nd, 2005 07:25 am (UTC)
I can just imagine Dru scalping Willow to make hair for her doll. I wonder how she and Miss Edith will get along? *grins*

I definitely loved the third one the most-- your Dru voice makes me orgasm. But I like squealing with glee at how cute a smoking kitty is. =P
darkhavens: dru [literati]darkhavens on October 5th, 2005 01:44 am (UTC)
Thanks! I have so much fun writing Dru - she's trippy!

Miss Edith hates Willow because she tried to hurt the family. ;)