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darkhavens
10 September 2005 @ 01:55 am
Outed on WWP-69G
Author: darkhavens
Title: Outed on WWP-69G
Pairing: McKay/Sheppard of Stargate: Atlantis
Rating: PG
Words: 851
Concrit: darkhavens @ slashverse.com
Disclaimer: Not mine, never will be. No harm, no foul, no money made.
Summary: Does Rodney look like a man who would cheat on his wife with another one of her husbands?
Notes: Written for beadtific in return for a donation to the_fund.


Outed on WWP-69G

The women of the village welcomed Teyla with open arms, leaving Ford, John and Rodney feeling ignored and out of place.

"I don't like this. I don't like this at all."

Rodney, as per usual, went straight to the worst-case scenario. "I can't see a single man in the village apart from us. This could be some kind of Amazon tribe we've stumbled into, and they're about to kill us all or…" His eyes widened in horror. "Or they're going to use us to breed a new generation of their kind. There could be other men held prisoner, forced to rut like animals to propagate the species, but I don't see any children about either. They might…"

"Rodney." The exasperation in John's voice came though loud and clear, even as he moved closer and leaned into the ruffled scientist, comforting the man with his solid presence. "We've been here five minutes and no-one's tried to take our guns or even looked at us weird. How did you get from that to 'they're going to use us for sex'?"




The eldest of the villagers reached out and patted Teyla's arm, either in reassurance or in sympathy.

"I am sorry that your men have not yet gifted you with child. Perhaps if you kept those two out of each other's beds, they might be more willing to provide you with an heir." She smirked at the look of surprise on Teyla's face, then turned and quickly ran a connoisseur's eye over Ford. "However, the youngest one looks more than will to make up the difference."

Teyla blinked at the elder's knowing grin.

"I…" Teyla found she really didn't know what to say to that. The silence stretched and threatened to become awkward, and then the old crone's face crumpled up into a wizened, wicked grin.

"My apologies. I am used to speaking my mind without a second thought. I embarrassed you by questioning the loyalty of your men. I am sure they serve you first and well and put their own needs second. But, if you do not wish to keep a pair such as that, I'm sure we could come to some arrangement. Many of our women only have one or two husbands, and would certainly be willing to take one of yours off your hands.

"At present, the men are working on the latest crop of vines. There should be several hundred bales of fabric prepared by next high moon, and our dyers can produce a myriad of shades and colours. Come, see the samples we keep in the trading house, and bring the young one with you. I'm sure those two can entertain themselves."




"She said what? Wait. Wait! She thinks we're all your husbands and that the major and I are…?" Rodney looked everywhere but at John. "How did she come up with an idea like that? Do I look like a man who would cheat on his wife with another one of her husbands? Is it something in the way I hold my gun? The way I stand?"

Teyla tried hard not to smile. "Actually, they say it is how Major Sheppard keeps touching you. Physical contact - affection - like that is rarely seen amongst their men. To touch another so easily and to not be rebuffed speaks to them of affection returned. In their culture that signifies a relationship."

They both looked stunned.

"Now I will go and examine the trade goods and see what they will accept in return. I have already told them that I will be keeping all of my husbands, so you should not be bothered by any of the women checking you over for trade. Ford, the elder has asked that you accompany me to the trading house. We will return once a deal has been negotiated."

With a regal nod, and confident that Ford was at her back, Teyla returned to the waiting women and allowed them to lead the way.

Silence reigned for several minutes before Rodney finally noticed the expression on John's face. He exploded.

"Wait! So… So… You… Why didn't you tell me?! Or at least make it obvious you were interested!"

"Rodney, I wasn't sure you were…"

"Oh, please, Major! I let you hit me with sticks, fire a very real bullet at me, I even let you throw me off a balcony! Do you honestly think I'd let just anyone do that? You were bored and wallowing in guilt and I… I just wanted to make you smile. Dammit, we could have been having sex for months if you weren't so dumb!"

Rodney grabbed a handful of shirt and reeled John in for a kiss born of realisation and months of harsh frustration. Hands roamed freely as tongues fought for dominance, and they were both flushed and panting when they parted to take a breath.

"You know this doesn't solve anything, right, Rodney? If we do this there are going to have to be rules; can you do discreet?" Rodney stole the rest of John's words with another sloppy kiss.

"I'll fake it."
 
Ninja Kittybeadattitude on September 10th, 2005 01:18 am (UTC)
I'll fake it.

HEE! I love it! Thank you so very much!

darkhavens: shep fly me [literati]darkhavens on September 10th, 2005 01:24 am (UTC)
Oh, I'm so glad!

{{{hugs you}}}

Thanks! :D
The good kind of bitchy and flippant!: shep profile neck sexybluebrocade on September 10th, 2005 01:21 am (UTC)
haha. great ending. and this was too funny: Do I look like a man who would cheat on his wife with another one of her husbands? Is it something in the way I hold my gun? The way I stand?"
darkhavens: rodney who's sleeping w john [literati]darkhavens on September 10th, 2005 01:27 am (UTC)
Thanks!

In Rodney's head, it's always about Rodney. *g*
Alexmcalex22 on September 10th, 2005 01:25 am (UTC)
*g* This was very funny! I loved Rodney's line:

...Dammit, we could have been having sex for months if you weren't so dumb!"

Great story and love Teyla's reactions.

Hope to see more soon!
darkhavens: mcshep lube [literati]darkhavens on September 10th, 2005 01:35 am (UTC)
Thanks! I think Teyla has a very sly sense of humour that doesn't get nearly enough play. Nobody's that nice. *g*

There will certainly be more. :D
scififreakscififreak on September 10th, 2005 01:28 am (UTC)
I'm grinning from ear to ear. Very cute and enjoyable.
darkhavens: shep rodney naked now [literati]darkhavens on September 10th, 2005 01:37 am (UTC)
Thanks. :D
Elayna: McShep eyefuckingelayna88 on September 10th, 2005 01:46 am (UTC)
Very fun!

"We've been here five minutes and no-one's tried to take our guns or even looked at us weird. How did you get from that to 'they're going to use us for sex'?"

That cracked me up. Rodney is so neurotic at times.
darkhavens: mcshep in trouble again [literati]darkhavens on September 11th, 2005 01:13 am (UTC)
Thanks! Rodney really is 'worst-case scenario man'. *g*
Keylaneverbelonged on September 10th, 2005 01:58 am (UTC)
/giggles/ I so love that! The end is just perfect! and of course Rodney would get mad cause they could have been having sex for months if you weren't so dumb! /laughs/ Great great job.
darkhavens: shep fly me [literati]darkhavens on September 11th, 2005 01:14 am (UTC)
Thanks!

Of course, the fact that Rodney was completely oblivious is neither here nor there - it's all John's fault. *g*
Lerah: not a sin - love - becky_hlerah99 on September 10th, 2005 02:59 am (UTC)
Dammit, we could have been having sex for months if you weren't so dumb!

:::Snort::: This is just too cute! It was the perfect thing to read after a hard day at work. You sure know how to start a girl's weekend right! I love when Rodney asks if it's the way he holds his gun. I also love that it's John who gives them away to the old woman. Thank you for posting this. :o)
darkhavens: shep intense passion [literati]darkhavens on September 11th, 2005 01:15 am (UTC)
I'm glad I could start your weekend off with a giggle. :D

Thanks!
Tonia Barone: Destroytoniabarone on September 10th, 2005 03:02 am (UTC)
"She said what? Wait. Wait! She thinks we're all your husbands and that the major and I are…?" Rodney looked everywhere but at John. "How did she come up with an idea like that? Do I look like a man who would cheat on his wife with another one of her husbands? Is it something in the way I hold my gun? The way I stand?"

*LOL* I LOVE how Rodney is so quick to defend his own honor.

Silence reigned for several minutes before Rodney finally noticed the expression on John's face. He exploded.

"Wait! So… So… You… Why didn't you tell me?! Or at least make it obvious you were interested!"

"Rodney, I wasn't sure you were…"

"Oh, please, Major! I let you hit me with sticks, fire a very real bullet at me, I even let you throw me off a balcony! Do you honestly think I'd let just anyone do that? You were bored and wallowing in guilt and I… I just wanted to make you smile. Dammit, we could have been having sex for months if you weren't so dumb!"


*cackles* This whole exchange is SO classic Rodney!

"You know this doesn't solve anything, right, Rodney? If we do this there are going to have to be rules; can you do discreet?" Rodney stole the rest of John's words with another sloppy kiss.

"I'll fake it."


*LOL* Oh, THANK YOU for sharing this gem! Absolutely wonderful! Any chance for a follow-up? Pretty please?
darkhavens: mcshep drrrty boys [literati]darkhavens on September 11th, 2005 01:17 am (UTC)
*LOL* I LOVE how Rodney is so quick to defend his own honor.

It's always all about Rodney, didn't you know that? *g*

Thanks! I don't know if there will be a follow-up to this, but there will certainly be more McShep coming from me. I adore the snarkiness and the pretty. *g*
who said what now? - toniabarone on September 11th, 2005 01:20 am (UTC) (Expand)
who said what now? - darkhavens on September 11th, 2005 01:33 am (UTC) (Expand)
who said what now? - toniabarone on September 11th, 2005 01:39 am (UTC) (Expand)
sarren: rodney wankssarren on September 10th, 2005 03:02 am (UTC)
Very cute :)

It's nice when they meet aliens and don't provoke them into attacking them, isn't it? *g*
darkhavens: mcshep make us [literati]darkhavens on September 11th, 2005 01:18 am (UTC)
LOL! yes! And so very rare. *g*

Thanks. :D
ship_recs on September 10th, 2005 03:17 am (UTC)
haha, very cute.
darkhavens: mcshep towed [literati]darkhavens on September 11th, 2005 01:19 am (UTC)
Thanks! :D
Cydahcydah on September 10th, 2005 03:46 am (UTC)
LOL, I LOVE Rodney's logic!
darkhavens: rodney are you wearing it major [literatdarkhavens on September 11th, 2005 01:21 am (UTC)
Rodney logic is a breed apart. *g*

Thanks!
Sandy: SGA Rodney Romanticsp23 on September 10th, 2005 04:01 am (UTC)
Hee! Loved this and the ending line was perfect. Except, Rodney - the face of a thousand expressions - will give it all away before they even get back to Atlantis. *g*
darkhavens: shep mcdaydreams [literati]darkhavens on September 11th, 2005 01:23 am (UTC)
LOL! You might be right, but everyone probably knew already, just like that old woman. They're so cute together. *g*

Thanks! :D
rayne_y_dazerayne_y_daze on September 10th, 2005 06:56 am (UTC)
Oh, I love this! And Rodney's rant? Perfect!
darkhavens: mcshep look of love [literati]darkhavens on September 11th, 2005 01:24 am (UTC)
Rodney rants are fun to write. he gets so wound up and irate. *g*

Thanks!
merlins_sistermerlins_sister on September 10th, 2005 08:59 am (UTC)
Snort! You really got the characters down pat, and it just felt so plausible. Great work.
darkhavens: shep look at me [literati]darkhavens on September 11th, 2005 01:25 am (UTC)
Thank you! I'm still getting used to the new voices in my head with a new fandom. It's good to know I'm getting them right. :D
pioniepionie on September 10th, 2005 10:09 am (UTC)
LOL fab last line!
darkhavens: mcshep in trouble again [literati]darkhavens on September 11th, 2005 01:25 am (UTC)
Thanks! :D

Rodney is such a faker. *g*