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darkhavens
13 July 2005 @ 12:26 am
'Location, Location, Location', three for open_on_sunday challenge #120 - Somewhere Else
Author: darkhavens
Title: Location, Location, Location
Pairing: Spike/Xander
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Not mine, never will be. No harm, no foul, no money made.
AN1: Three more scenelets from the unlife of baby!vamp!Xander.



Roadtrip

It would take at least a month for the anti-souling spell to be prepared, and Spike decided a road trip would keep Willow off their tail till then, which was fine until Xander realised that Seven hadn't been invited.

"She's a cat! She's always catching mice and rats, frogs and little puppies. She'll do just fine on her own till we get back, I promise, luv."

But Xander was unimpressed with Spike's faith in her survival skills, so a less than jubilant Spike, and a happy, bouncy Xander, set out to see the lower forty-eight with a cat in tow.



Flashback

"...Unless there's a bloody portal under the bed. Again."

"Hey, look! A Gideon bible in a demon motel? Those guys get everywhere!"

Xander waggled the little blue book in Spike's direction, and then opened it at the ribbon marker and started to read out loud.

"Gra'krsh na!ktul, dashnivryt ztsuk. Ba'aryma trushkinnitz, na!ktul, na!ktul. Okay, so, obviously not a Gideon bible. Does... Whoah!"

The carpet began a nauseating swirl as Spike dove onto the bed, just in time to follow Xander into the opening portal.

Blackness. Smell of sulphur.

"Please tell me you managed to keep hold of that soddin' book..."



Fresh Eyes

"Look, it's not that I'm bored or anything, but couldn't we do this somewhere else? Not all the time, but maybe just to break up the routine?"

Spike froze, hand raised high above Xander's taut white arse, and considered the words his childe had just muttered into his thigh.

"You think our sex life is routine?"

Xander pushed himself over onto one hip so he could see Spike's puzzled face.

"Spike, we've been coming to this club for three years. I know the kinks of everyone in this room. I want you to fuck me in front of strangers again."



NEXT
 
Kristintxrabbit on July 13th, 2005 12:38 am (UTC)
Hee!

I laughed at the last one! Lovely!
darkhavens: sx a love eternal [literati]darkhavens on July 13th, 2005 12:40 am (UTC)
Thanks! Xander is such an exhibitionist baby vamp. *g*
I am Derek's vocal eyebrows: fm; all good [me]literati on July 13th, 2005 12:40 am (UTC)
...and little puppies.

This is not helping in your quest to make the cat endearing. Not.at.all.

Lovely set sweetie!

darkhavens: sx a love eternal [literati]darkhavens on July 13th, 2005 12:42 am (UTC)
LOL! I know you'll never love Seven like I do Xander does. :D

Thankee! *smooch*
Ameamejisuto on July 13th, 2005 01:47 am (UTC)
These are all great but that last one was fricking priceless! Way to go!
darkhavensdarkhavens on July 13th, 2005 02:03 am (UTC)
Hee! Thanks! Xander is such a naughty baby vamp, wanting to get fucked in front of strangers, but you just know Spike will indulge him. *g*
snitches be crazy: courtesy of vampkissshighola on July 13th, 2005 01:58 am (UTC)
"...Unless there's a bloody portal under the bed. Again."

*snort*
Hilarious, all of them, but the second one was priceless!
darkhavensdarkhavens on July 13th, 2005 02:04 am (UTC)
Thankee! I was trying to think where to send them and I suddenly remembered that throwaway line from an earlier set of drabbles and went with it. Who hasn't had a portal open up under their bed at one time or another? *g*
outsideth3box: Vamp!Xanderoutsideth3box on July 13th, 2005 03:59 am (UTC)
When I was little...like 5 or 6 or so, I believed that there was a portal (but I called it a doorway) into another dimension under my bed. Firmly. Believed. Used to get off my bed in the morning by jumping as far as I could off the edge so as not to accidently slip into it or something.

::shakes head::

These were great! I laughed when Xander won, again, the Seven of Nine battle, and the second one was a riot! And of course Xander wants *strangers* to fuck in front of...where's the thrill if nobody notices any more?

Great drabbles, as always! ::hugsnsmooches::
realtsunamigirlrealtsunamigirl on July 13th, 2005 02:33 am (UTC)
"Please tell me you managed to keep hold of that soddin' book..."

Perfect Spike voice. I will probably be giggling about that one off and on for an hour or so.
darkhavensdarkhavens on July 13th, 2005 11:14 pm (UTC)
:D

I'm always happy to know that I made people giggle. Thanks!
most excellently twisted: roleplayingfanbot on July 13th, 2005 02:57 am (UTC)
De-light-ful as per usual, my dearest!
Thanks for the smiles and chuckles.
darkhavensdarkhavens on July 13th, 2005 11:24 pm (UTC)
Thankee. :D

I love hearing about the smiles and chuckles. It makes me smile. :D
werewindlewerewindle on July 13th, 2005 02:57 am (UTC)
I loved them.

Seven, Spike and Xan on a road trip! Very cool. (plus the line about the lower forty-eight tickled me pink - I'm an Alaskan girl, familiar term I haven't heard in a while stuck here in PA)

It is so Xander to get accidentally sucked into a portal and the last line was SO Spike.

That last was funny. I love Spike's disbelief and Xander demanding sex in front of strangers. ^__^

darkhavensdarkhavens on July 13th, 2005 11:41 pm (UTC)
Thanks. :D Alaska? A friend went there on a business trip last year and brought back some amazing photos. Gorgeous!

I must have picked up the 'lower forty-eight' phrase from my 10 year intensive reading spree of Silhouette romances. That habit died a sudden death once I discovered slash, but apparently a lot of Americanisms have lingered, even infiltrating my daily speech patterns. I used the word 'snafu' the other day at work and received a lot of blank looks. *g*

Xander does have the oddest luck. yes, sucked into a portal, but we know he makes it out again. For every bit of bad luck there is a bit of good luck waiting to rescue him. ;)

tabaquitabaqui on July 13th, 2005 04:41 am (UTC)
BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaahahhaaaa.
*ahem*

I like them ALL.
Yes yes.
*bounce*
darkhavensdarkhavens on July 13th, 2005 11:42 pm (UTC)
Hee! Thankee. :D
taruma: LOL! Spiketaruma16 on July 13th, 2005 05:31 am (UTC)
ROFLMAO!!!
These are freaking hilarious!!!
I love them!!!
darkhavensdarkhavens on July 13th, 2005 11:42 pm (UTC)
:D Thanks!
Virtual Personal: Spike Smokin - by fanbotvirtualpersonal on July 13th, 2005 08:47 am (UTC)
These were so fun! First one, yay, Xan gets his way, even with big bad Spike. I love that in his own way, he spoils his childer. The second one was just funny, and such a Xander thing to do to get them in hot water. And the third is hysterical. Love Spike's shock/disbelief that Xan would think something sort of negative about their sex life.
darkhavensdarkhavens on July 13th, 2005 11:45 pm (UTC)
Thanks.

Spike does spoil his childe rotten, even when he keep getting them into scrapes. *g*

And Spike should know Xander would never get bored with the sex, just the location and the audience. ;)
Nashnashmaveric on July 13th, 2005 02:54 pm (UTC)
*snicker* Love those! All of them! But especially the third one *double snicker*
darkhavensdarkhavens on July 13th, 2005 11:50 pm (UTC)
Thankee!

Yes, Xander gave a Spike a moment's worry there in the third one. But he wasn't complaining about the sex, just the audience. *g*
Goes "Ding" When There's Stuff: Evol by Suki Bluesuki_blue on July 13th, 2005 07:39 pm (UTC)
Hee! Great!

"Spike, we've been coming to this club for three years. I know the kinks of everyone in this room. I want you to fuck me in front of strangers again." LOL! Auw.
darkhavensdarkhavens on July 13th, 2005 11:51 pm (UTC)
Isn't he evil? *g*

Thankee!
Nicole: Temptationblue_icy_rose on July 14th, 2005 07:07 pm (UTC)
Hee....*can't stop giggling* That last one was priceless! I love Spike's disbelief that their sex life could be anything even close to routine. And the last line of the second one was just so Spike. And yay for Xander getting Spike to agree to take Seven with them!
darkhavensdarkhavens on July 18th, 2005 12:28 am (UTC)
Thanks. :D

Seven has to go on the roadtrip - it wouldn't be as much fun without her! *g*
your royal pie-nessentrenous88 on July 18th, 2005 12:34 am (UTC)
Awwww! Seven of Nine catches puppies? That is one tough kitty cat!

And dude, the whole public sex thing == teh hawt. It's funny and odd and charming that Xander's saying the bloom is off the rose because everyone knows them at their usual public sex spot. :D
darkhavensdarkhavens on July 18th, 2005 12:48 am (UTC)
Awwww! Seven of Nine catches puppies? That is one tough kitty cat!

Well, she still takes nips at (and of) Xander every now and again, and that vampire blood is potent stuff. She's as close to a vampire!kitty as you can get. *g*

Xander is such an exhibitionistic tart. It's just not the same when it's not in front of strangers. *g*

Thanks!