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darkhavens
11 July 2005 @ 05:05 pm
Fic: 'The Plan'
Author: darkhavens
Title: The Plan
Pairing: Spike/Xander
Rating: PG
Words: 650ish
Feedback/Concrit: darkhavens @ slashverse.com
Disclaimer: Not mine, never will be. No harm, no foul, no money made.
Summary: Xander's Plan fails... or does it?
Notes: This is the third and last of my unrelated pieces written for brandil and crazydiamondsue's Music of Pain Xander-centric ficathon. (Masterlist available here.)


Bellamy Brothers: If I Said You Had a Beautiful Body (Would You Hold It Against Me)

If I said you had a beautiful body
Would you hold it against me
If I swore you were an angel
Would you treat me like the devil tonight
If I were dying of thirst
Would your flowing love come quench me
If I said you had a beautiful body
Would you hold it against me

Now we can talk all night about the weather
Tell you 'bout my friends out on the coast
I could ask a lot of crazy questions
Or I could ask what I really want to know

If I said you had a beautiful body
Would you hold it against me
If I swore you were an angel
Would you treat me like the devil tonight
If I were dying of thirst
Would your flowing love come quench me
If I said you had a beautiful body
Would you hold it against me

Now rain can fall so soft against the window
The sun can shine so bright up in the sky
But daddy always told me, 'Don't make small talk'
He said, 'Come on out and say what's on your mind'

If I said you had a beautiful body
Would you hold it against me
If I swore you were an angel
Would you treat me like the devil tonight
If I were dying of thirst
Would your flowing love come quench me
If I said you had a beautiful body
Would you hold it against me

If I said you had a beautiful body
Would you hold it against me
If I swore you were an angel
Would you treat me like the devil tonight
If I were dying of thirst
Would your flowing love come quench me
If I said you had a beautiful body
Would you hold it against me



The Plan

So much for that great plan, Xander mourned as he sluiced the dregs of Spike's latest blood and whisky cocktail down the drain. And it had seemed such a good plan, a simple plan - one with very little margin for error and no harsh rejection at the end of it if it didn't work out. And it hadn't.

He still wasn't sure what had gone wrong. Spike had been tossing innuendos and steamy glances his way for weeks now, and Xander had finally built up the courage to make a grab for the brass ring. A subtle grab, one that didn't necessitate him actually having to say anything meaningful. No, he'd decided to leave that to the music - a carefully selected mix of songs that screamed 'I want you!', 'take me!', 'fuck me now, dammit!' - and Spike had sat through them all - all three CDs - without a murmur of complaint, under the guise of teaching Xander how to cheat at poker.

And here it was, the final track, the one that was the musical equivalent of clubbing Spike over the head and dragging him off to the Xander-cave. He'd hoped the plan would have worked by now so he could stop the musical seduction way before it got to this song, but what the hell was the point when the vampire on his sofa was obviously completely oblivious to his carefully planned scenario.

Xander moved into the kitchen doorway and stopped to study the object of his desires. Sprawled on the sofa, shirtless because he'd spilled his latest 'cocktail' laughing at Xander's poker face, his feet, impossibly delicate and pale, propped one atop the other on the edge of the coffee table, twitching and flexing rhythmically to the opening beats of that song.

" If I said you had a beautiful body
Would you hold it against me?
If I swore you were an...


'Totally oblivious' vampire suddenly became 'moving at the speed of light' vampire, and before the Bellamy Brothers had a chance to really get into the swing of it, the CD had been ejected, snapped in half and tossed away.

"Bloody hell! You really are a diabolical git, you know that, Harris? What was the plan, eh? See how much torture I'd take before I got the message and backed off? Was that it? Well, threatening to call me an 'angel' just about did it. I know when I'm being had for a..."

"No!"

Xander looked as surprised as Spike that he'd actually screamed out that denial. "No," he repeated, quieter, praying for an apocalypse to strike, now, please so he didn't have to explain what he'd been trying to do all night.

"No?"

"No." He paused again, but no apocalypse materialised, no convenient portal appeared, so Xander took a deep breath and hoped Spike didn't laugh too hard.

"I thought... I mean, you seemed to... You kept looking at me, and saying things, and I thought that..." He dragged a hand through his hair and tried again. "I thought, maybe... But if I was wrong I didn't want to... And so... The music was... Dammit. Stupid plan." Xander smacked the doorframe with the side of his foot and watched the skin turn pink down to his toes.

"I'm an idiot, okay? Can we just..." Spike cut him off.

"...get to the shagging already?"

Xander's head flew up and he realised that while he'd been tripping over his own tongue trying to explain, Spike had stripped and arranged himself artfully on the sofa, dick in hand, and cocky smirk in place.

"You... You knew!"

"It was pretty bloody obvious after the first five minutes, luv. I just wondered how long you'd drag it out. I just sat through three soddin' hours of the most maudlin, nauseating music on this planet, so you owe me, yeah? Now get over here and show me what a Viking you really are."
 
 
feeling: uncomfortableuncomfortable
 
(Deleted comment)
darkhavensdarkhavens on July 11th, 2005 07:29 pm (UTC)
Thanks! I'd already snagged the song as my own before noticing the word 'angel' in the first verse and I just knew that Spike would object. *g*
tarumataruma16 on July 11th, 2005 04:19 pm (UTC)
Oh god, I love it!!

"It was pretty bloody obvious after the first five minutes, luv. I just wondered how long you'd drag it out. I just sat through three soddin' hours of the most maudlin, nauseating music on this planet, so you owe me, yeah? Now get over here and show me what a Viking you really are."
This last line had me laughing so hard!!!
Just fabulous!!
darkhavensdarkhavens on July 11th, 2005 07:30 pm (UTC)
Thankee! Spike's a real charmer, isn't he? *g*
true to herselftruly_tazi on July 11th, 2005 04:54 pm (UTC)
Oh, man. Poor Spike. 3 hours. Vampire stamina is sure something. A lesser man wouldn't have made it for 1. lol

This was great.
darkhavensdarkhavens on July 11th, 2005 07:32 pm (UTC)
Spike's nothing if not determined. I think he just wanted to see if Xander would give in and say something. *g*

Thanks!
Lit Gallit_gal on July 11th, 2005 05:06 pm (UTC)
LOL

That's our Spike, evil to the end, even when he's not. Xander so deserved that for trying to chicken out of just saying he had the hots for the sexy vampire.

Thanks so much!!!
darkhavensdarkhavens on July 11th, 2005 07:33 pm (UTC)
Thanks!

Yes, Spike is forever discovering new ways to be evil and still get the good sex. *g*
Dittostretfordditto on July 11th, 2005 05:15 pm (UTC)

S'good. :)
darkhavensdarkhavens on July 11th, 2005 07:33 pm (UTC)
Thankee :D
Nebula: spander 2authoressnebula on July 11th, 2005 05:37 pm (UTC)
Absolutely perfect! I thought Spike was all mad, and Xander got so upset...Spike's a crafty one, he is. ^_^

~Nebula
darkhavensdarkhavens on July 11th, 2005 07:34 pm (UTC)
Spike takes his evil opportunities where he finds them, and Xander practically set himself up for this owie. *g*

Thanks!
rayne_y_daze: gigglerayne_y_daze on July 11th, 2005 06:28 pm (UTC)
Wonderful! Sitting through hours of music he hated just to be evil. :-) Oh, too much fun.
darkhavensdarkhavens on July 11th, 2005 07:34 pm (UTC)
Thanks!

Yup, Spike will suffer if necessary, just to be evil. *g*
Goes "Ding" When There's Stuff: Xander watch by Truly Tazisuki_blue on July 11th, 2005 06:31 pm (UTC)
Hehehehe. Bless them! Aren't they just the cutest couple in the entire universe?????

Lovely, sweetie.
darkhavensdarkhavens on July 11th, 2005 07:35 pm (UTC)
Hee! Thanks.
Yes, they is the cutest! *g*
werewindlewerewindle on July 11th, 2005 07:11 pm (UTC)
hehe Evil Spike. Lovely lovely ficlet. ^__^
darkhavensdarkhavens on July 11th, 2005 07:36 pm (UTC)
Thankee. He's evil, he just practices the little evil instead of the big evil nowadays. *g*
it only burns when I breathe: spike&xander_kisshim_vampirellabitesspikedluv on July 11th, 2005 07:28 pm (UTC)
"It was pretty bloody obvious after the first five minutes, luv. I just wondered how long you'd drag it out. I just sat through three soddin' hours of the most maudlin, nauseating music on this planet, so you owe me, yeah? Now get over here and show me what a Viking you really are."

LOL That was great!! Poor Xander, he owes Spike something all right. *eg*
darkhavensdarkhavens on July 11th, 2005 07:37 pm (UTC)
Thanks!

I'm sure Xander will come up with some way of paying Spike back. ;)
Ailiseailise on July 11th, 2005 08:15 pm (UTC)
::bounces::

I love Spike when he's evil!! That may be one of the most evil things he's done since coming back to Sunnydale after Dru!

::grins wickedly::
darkhavensdarkhavens on July 13th, 2005 12:15 am (UTC)
LOL! yes, he takes his evil opportunities where he finds them and Xander really did set himself up for evilness with this. *g*

Thanks.
spikeNdru: Lilah-Bwahahaspikendru on July 11th, 2005 08:30 pm (UTC)
Bwahaha! Wonderful! Yep, all those years with Dru certainly taught Spike patience! He was just gonna wait it out, even if his ears started bleeding from the country music, until Xander was forced to say something to make his intentions clear! Loved it!
darkhavensdarkhavens on July 13th, 2005 01:04 am (UTC)
:D Thankee. Spike's dedication to evilness knows no bounds. *g*
tabaquitabaqui on July 11th, 2005 10:11 pm (UTC)
Heeeeeeeeee.
Funny stuff, bay-bee.
And cute.
And poor Spike!
Three hours!
:)
darkhavensdarkhavens on July 13th, 2005 01:05 am (UTC)
Thankee!
Yup. three hours. After the second CD started he was determined to see just how long Xander could hold out. *g*
outsideth3box: Subway Spike Dolloutsideth3box on July 11th, 2005 10:37 pm (UTC)
"...the one that was the musical equivalent of clubbing Spike over the head and dragging him off to the Xander-cave."

Holy f%$56! I loved that line!

The whole thing was adorable, but that line had me squeeling like a girl...oh, wait...

::snerk:: Luv you!
darkhavensdarkhavens on July 13th, 2005 01:05 am (UTC)
Hee! Thank you! That was one of my favourite lines too. *g*

*smooch*
(Anonymous) on July 11th, 2005 11:49 pm (UTC)
Spike had stripped and arranged himself artfully on the sofa, dick in hand, and cocky smirk in place. *pauses to drool at that image*

Now get over here and show me what a Viking you really are."
*shrieks and falls over laughing* AMEN!

Loved it. Gotta give Spike credit. I'd have killed the sound system hours before he stopped the music. *smirks*

Kat Coll
darkhavensdarkhavens on July 13th, 2005 01:06 am (UTC)
Thanks. :D Spike is dedicated to the doing of evil... and the doing of Xander. *g*
Ame: Sexy by vampkissamejisuto on July 12th, 2005 01:49 am (UTC)
Hee! I love it when Spike's evol! Great job luv!
darkhavensdarkhavens on July 13th, 2005 01:07 am (UTC)
Thanks, sweetie. Evol Spike is so much fun to play with, just ask Xander!
I am Derek's vocal eyebrows: fm; fixation [me]literati on July 12th, 2005 02:12 am (UTC)
yes! get to the shagging already!

::gets the camera ready::

Love this!
darkhavensdarkhavens on July 13th, 2005 01:08 am (UTC)
Hee! Thank you, babe! And remember - the first copy's mine! ;)
midnightinkingwords on July 12th, 2005 03:26 am (UTC)
::grins:: Adoring you!!
darkhavensdarkhavens on July 13th, 2005 01:08 am (UTC)
Thankee. *grins wider*
(Deleted comment)
darkhavensdarkhavens on July 13th, 2005 01:14 am (UTC)
The UST, and the uncertainty and the teasing and then there's cocks. That's pretty much it for me. *g*

Yup, me too. It was the snark that lured me in, along with the pretty. ;)

Thankee, darlin'. I've never signed up to do three fics like that before, and I'm not sure I ever will again, but it was fun! (Notice I only say that now it's over. *g*)

I might have to start reading lyrics more often if this is the kind of bunny I can expect to chew off my toes. o.O
(Anonymous) on January 26th, 2007 03:01 pm (UTC)
Yay!
Patrick