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darkhavens
11 July 2007 @ 12:04 am
Daily Drabble #8 - The Lady in the Tutti Frutti Hat, SGA, McShep
First commenter on the day's drabble(ish) gets to provide pairing and prompt for the next one. You can choose from Spike/Xander, John/Rodney and Sam/Dean or choose one of them as a solo character. Give me a word, or mood, or something to think on and I'll see what I can do. I may expand the possible selection if this works and I actually get my mojo firing on all cylinders. (Nobody gets two drabbles in a row. If you get one today, you don't get to have one tomorrow, even if your comment is up first.)

Author: darkhavens
Title: The Lady in the Tutti Frutti Hat
Pairing: McKay/Sheppard
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis
Rating: PG
Words: ~1300
Concrit: darkhavens @ slashverse.com. If you spot a typo, please feel free to tell me in comments. I want you to!
Disclaimer: Not mine, never will be. No harm, no foul, no money made.
Warnings/Squicks: Rodney in drag.
Summary: Rodney loses a bet. The forfeit is spectacular.
Notes: The title refers to Carmen Miranda, a Brazilian lady who wore some amazing hats. Written for saldemonium, who requested John/Rodney, curves, and Rodney in drag.



When John first heard about the bet from Lorne, he figured someone in the science department was playing a joke on his 2IC. Two hours later he heard the same thing in the mess hall, and an hour later he heard it once more from Chuck in the 'gate room.

Then, for two days, there was total radio silence on the subject while everyone waited with bated breath to hear the outcome.

Rodney lost.

No matter how many times John heard it, thought it, said it out loud, it didn't compute. Rodney McKay has lost the bet. Rodney 'My brain is the only thing standing between this city and the bottom of the ocean' McKay had lost the bet.

From the look of the mess hall, Radek had sent the details of when and where to every email address on the server - John had received three copies himself. Nobody was making any attempt to look casual; every eye was trained eagerly on the door. Each time it opened, backs straightened and necks stretched to make sure nothing of the spectacle to come would be missed.

John found himself a few bare inches of floor space by the recycling bins and settled in to wait. It didn't take long.

The doors slid open at 1900 hours precisely to reveal a decidedly different Rodney. John started at the bottom and moved slowly upward.

Painted pink toenails were framed by absurdly dainty, high-heeled sandals that couldn't possibly belong to any of the women in the city, marine or scientist. John didn't even want to think about what that might mean.

Suspiciously smooth and equally suspiciously tanned muscular calves drew his gaze up to the shadowed split of a wrap-around skirt, very similar to the ones Teyla habitually wore. He knew it couldn't be hers, but he'd lay odds she'd helped Rodney put this all together.

The skirt was a patchwork of blues and greys with tiny hints and smears of pink and yellow that somehow worked on Rodney, and John wished he hadn't thought that. It would have been perfectly decent if Rodney was standing to attention, but of course he wasn't.

His weight was centered over his left hip, his right leg extended to the side, and that stance pulled half of the skirt over, flashing a strip of inner thigh that John tried hard not to stare at.

Exposed above the waistband of the skirt were several reassuringly Rodney-pale inches of skin - no perfect sixpack, no real definition, just a milky white expanse neatly bisected by a narrow line of hair. John had to fight the urge to drop to his knees and lick it.

The halter top was also Athosian, and while John couldn't tell what Rodney had filled it with, he was stacked. There was even a dusting of glittery powder at the top of his 'cleavage', which looked absurdly cute highlighting the little tuft of chest hair that peeked out of the café au lait leather.

Rodney's lips were slick and palest pink, painted to match his toenails and - John quickly checked - his fingernails. His eyes stood out within their frames of thick kohl and a liberal application of what was surely lash-lengthening mascara. A delicate blend of shadow, tan and rose, intensified their hue.

John's eyes moved up to the splash of color atop Rodney's head, and he had to bite his tongue stop hold the laughter back.

Obviously Rodney hadn't been able to find a wig, or at least not one that satisfied his diva-esque tastes. Instead of hair, he was wearing a brightly coloured twist of cloth as a turban - cloth he was sure was actually a garish shirt that Radek sometimes wore.

Piled on top of the makeshift turban was a bunch of fruit that John would have assumed was plastic were it not so obviously sourced from the Pegasus galaxy. So. Real fruit. Huh.

John had no idea how long his careful scrutiny had taken, but by the time he'd finished, the crowd had begun to giggle, hoot and whistle. Fully half of the marines were applauding.

Rodney's hands flew to his hips as his chin lifted and his pink lips pouted prettily.

"What on earth is the matter with you all? Have you never seen a lady in a tutti frutti hat before?" His laser-like glare picked John out of the crowd without the slightest hesitation. "Colonel, would you please escort me to my room? A lady just can't feel safe around here with a rabble like this on the loose!"

John jumped to do the lady's bidding, offering his arm as he drew near. Rodney accepted the offer with grace and swept gloriously out of the mess hall and several feet down the corridor before staggering to a halt.

"Christ on a crutch, these shoes are killing me. Can you get them off? I can't bend over with this thing on my head without losing a couple of pounds of fresh fruit; it's not exactly attached."

Still too stunned - and disturbingly aroused - John dropped to one knee and quickly unbuckled the skinny ankle straps, automatically easing Rodney's size elevens out and giving each one a quick rub before setting it down in the cool Atlantis floor.

When he straightened up he realised Rodney was staring at him, his mouth quirked into a tiny stunned smile. John winked and offered Rodney his arm again, and, wordlessly, Rodney took it.

The moment the door slid shut behind them, John had Rodney pinned to the wall and his hands were everywhere.

"Hey! Hey! Basket of fruit on my head here, remember? Let me get rid of that first and then we can tussle."

John was beyond caring about fruit so one flick of the wrist and a yank of lurid cloth was all it took to bare Rodney's head and get his attention focussed back where it ought to be: on John.

~~~~~~~

"I can't believe you lost the bet," admitted John, just as Rodney muttered irritably, "Dammit, I'm going to have to ask Teyla how to clean this skirt. I can't believe you got come on it!" And then, "What? Oh. Yes, John, I lost the bet. I lost the bet and Radek is now in charge of cleaning up pier three and getting the engineering labs down there up and running without any unnecessary interference from me."

John thought sadly of the mountain of paperwork he'd agreed to take back off Lorne if Rodney actually lost. It was going to take weeks to-

"Wait. Pier three? Engineering? So he's going to be stuck out there with Kavanagh, Delbertson and Wrzst with no transporters? And he really thinks he won?"

Rodney shrugged and dropped the pantyhose onto the clothes already piled on the chair beside the bed.

"He'll figure it out once he stops crowing and actually thinks about it for a moment. Honestly, John, do you think I'd lose a bet like that by accident? I know Jenkins has the alcoholic tolerance of a five year old - he got drunk with SG-6 once on a bowl of fermented fruit, swore the whole team to secrecy."

It didn't even occur to John to wonder how he'd found that out, because Rodney was sliding into bed beside him, face and chest scrubbed clean of makeup, hair still damp around the edges.

"Set the alarm, would you? I don't expect we'll need it once Radek figures things out, but I suppose it's best to be prepared." Rodney yawned and snuggled his face into the curve of John's neck. "That was… exhausting," - he 'hmm'ed - "and yet strangely exhilarating. G'night."

Rodney was asleep almost before he'd finished speaking, leaving John alone to stare at the ceiling and ponder the meaning of 'exhilarating' in that context.

 
 
feeling: amusedamused
 
your royal pie-nessentrenous88 on July 10th, 2007 11:15 pm (UTC)
Me?
darkhavensdarkhavens on July 10th, 2007 11:17 pm (UTC)
Yes yes! *splashes in your pool* :d
who said what now? - entrenous88 on July 10th, 2007 11:18 pm (UTC) (Expand)
who said what now? - darkhavens on July 11th, 2007 01:34 am (UTC) (Expand)
Sal Shearersaldemonium on July 10th, 2007 11:16 pm (UTC)
*squees like a dolphin*

Oh man, that was great! Radek's shirt! The fruit! And of course Rodney wouldn't lose a bet by accident, he's a devious, devious thing. The line about having to ask Teyla how to clean the skirt made me giggle madly. Hee. Cute, cute drabble. =)
darkhavens: rodney adorkable [literati]darkhavens on July 11th, 2007 01:22 am (UTC)
Thank you!

I already have a 'aliens made Rodney wear makeup' fic brewing, so I knew I couldn't use that plot device, so a bet seemed like the best... bet. *g*

melaganmelagan on July 10th, 2007 11:52 pm (UTC)
You should know this has me grinning from ear to ear.
darkhavens: rodney mattress [literati]darkhavens on July 11th, 2007 01:23 am (UTC)
Lnowing that makes me grin. Thank you!
Dom sits down: Oh Kidsmercury973 on July 10th, 2007 11:56 pm (UTC)
*Glee*
Loved this. I want pictures!!!

darkhavens: shep property of [literati]darkhavens on July 11th, 2007 01:24 am (UTC)
Thank you!

Oh, I wish I had pictures. Rodney was hot! *g*
Scribbles and bits...quoshara on July 11th, 2007 12:13 am (UTC)
*is now probably going to dream about Rodney as Carmen Miranda*

You are evil. *LOL*

Thanks for the good laugh.
darkhavens: shep mcdaydreams [literati]darkhavens on July 11th, 2007 01:25 am (UTC)
Hee! I apologise in advance for any nightmares that causes. *g*

Thanks!
Dani: Colby heheumbralillium on July 11th, 2007 12:15 am (UTC)
*grins* Now, I'm curious what the bet was. *snicker*
darkhavens: shep rodney naked now [literati]darkhavens on July 11th, 2007 01:28 am (UTC)
I honestly couldn't tell you, beyond the fact that it involved Jenkins, alcohol and a very gleeful Radek. *g*

Thanks for commenting!
iadorespike: Rodney gigglefit  by slytherinsiconsiadorespike on July 11th, 2007 01:26 am (UTC)
There was even a dusting of glittery powder at the top of his 'cleavage', which looked absurdly cute highlighting the little tuft of chest hair that peeked out of the café au lait leather.

John is sooooo in love...Rodney is without peer. *still giggling*
darkhavens: shep rodney naked now [literati]darkhavens on July 11th, 2007 01:31 am (UTC)
Thank you! Rodney always rises to the occasion, and always just a little bit higher than people expect. *g*

And John is a total goner. He's obsessed with Rodney's silky smooth legs and tried to go on and on about them until I had to shut him up. ;)
who said what now? - iadorespike on July 11th, 2007 01:41 am (UTC) (Expand)
who said what now? - kensieg on July 11th, 2007 06:07 am (UTC) (Expand)
tabaqui: geeksbyliteratitabaqui on July 11th, 2007 01:48 am (UTC)
Heeeeeeee!
Oh, dude. Fun.
:)
darkhavensdarkhavens on July 11th, 2007 02:04 am (UTC)
Thank you! :D
<3.14apple_pi on July 11th, 2007 01:58 am (UTC)
Oh my god, hilarious! The description was fabulous. :-)
darkhavensdarkhavens on July 11th, 2007 02:04 am (UTC)
Thank you! John was determined to ogle every available inch and I just let him get on with it. *g*
LunaMazeslunamazes on July 11th, 2007 02:25 am (UTC)
LOL
but what's the bet??
darkhavensdarkhavens on July 12th, 2007 12:47 am (UTC)
I wish I knew! I spent ages trying to come up with a suitable one, with no success except for the vague mention of 'Jenkins' and his inability to hold his drink. *g*
What, does he wanna date me or kill me?: Attack of the Lemonskrysalys on July 11th, 2007 04:28 am (UTC)
*dies laughing*
-----}-@
darkhavens: rodney mattress [literati]darkhavens on July 12th, 2007 12:48 am (UTC)
Hee! Thank you!

*revives you*
(Deleted comment)
darkhavens: rodney adorkable [literati]darkhavens on July 12th, 2007 12:48 am (UTC)
Thank you! :D
it only burns when I breathe: mcshep_otp_ailurophile6spikedluv on July 11th, 2007 12:39 pm (UTC)
Hee, Rodney! Of course he wouldn't lose the bet! Loved John's reaction, and Rodney needing to get out of the shoes ASAP. *g*
darkhavens: shep fly me [literati]darkhavens on July 12th, 2007 12:56 am (UTC)
Thank you! Radek is smart so Rodney must be sneaky. And John may never recover. *g*
celtic_tigress: McKay/ armed and dangerous?celtic_tigress on July 11th, 2007 03:56 pm (UTC)
Ahahaha! Can't...stop...laughing!!!!! Tutti...frutti...*dies*
darkhavens: shep glasses [literati]darkhavens on July 12th, 2007 12:57 am (UTC)
Thank you!

*performs cpr* :D
who said what now? - celtic_tigress on July 12th, 2007 01:20 pm (UTC) (Expand)
~Alice~: SGA wee rodney by belissevinniebatman on July 11th, 2007 06:04 pm (UTC)
It makes perfect sense that even if he were in drag for the first time (although I'm guess it wasn't his first time judging by those shoes), he would still be arrogent and unperturbed by everyone else.

Excellent story, and I loved reading the descriptions through John's POV.
So fun.
darkhavens: shep intense passion [literati]darkhavens on July 12th, 2007 01:00 am (UTC)
I was actually thinking that the shoes belonged to one of the marines and that Rodney borrowed them, but I'm not entirely sure how he would have got away with that short of blackmail or bribery... which is. of course, perfectly possible. *g*

If John ever asks about them, he might find out the truth. :P

Thank you! :D